Listening To You
by Arise Sir Knight
Summary: Arthur's self doubt causes pain...
1. Chapter 1

**LISTENING TO YOU…***

He'd watched him for years, slowly the indifference to him as a servant changing to friendship.

They were together from morning to night. The first person he saw after daybreak; the last person to bid him good-night.

Whether dressing him or serving his meals, he was there at his beck and call. In the council chambers with Uther or with the knights in training, he was always at his heels, unpretentious and willing to accept the humblest of positions.

They had no secrets and yet Arthur waited...

He noticed his interactions with everyone; he recognised his close feelings for Gaius, his genuine friendship with Gwaine and his respect for Leon. He'd laughed at his love of horses and children. He was proud of his willingness to accept the lowliest of servants as equals. All who knew him respected him; his smile brightened many a day.

He honoured and almost understood with longing, his friend's undisputed love for his mother.

He was jealous of his servant's ease in dealing with people from the haughtiest knights to the lowliest scullery maids. He happily accepted, even envied his ability to respect all people and always be fair.

When they were alone, the way he treated him as an equal had at first shocked him but now he secretly pleaded for it. He admired his persistence and enjoyed his open-mindedness

However, his mind silently suffered.

Lowering his eyes, sadness and need flooding his mind, he turned to walk away, Merlin lifting his head to check that Arthur did not need his assistance. The servant's heart skipped a beat as he looked at him. Then he sighed and shook his head before going back to the work at hand.

Stopping...he glanced over his shoulder at his servant's bent head. His feelings unmasked as he silently cried, 'Merlin…!'

'See me!

Feel me!

Touch me!

Heal me!'

His heart felt torn apart and he was conscious of Gaius standing beside him.

He looked up as the old man put his arm across his shoulders, saying quietly, "Tell him! Arthur, tell him..."

* _Pete Townshend, The Who._


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2 : GARLIC HAS AN ACQUIRED TASTE**

Gaius watched as Merlin sat with the pestle in his hand getting no further pulverising the garlic clove. He was going to say something but decided to enjoy the silence for a little longer.

Finally, Merlin sighed and once again concentrated on the work at hand. "You know this absolutely stinks. It is a putrid stench. I'm going to vomit in a little while."

"Well, I'm not asking you to eat it, just crush it."

"But…I have to put my fingers in the mess to remove the skinny part."

"Merlin," Gaius said firmly, "I've seen you put your fingers into wounds and lots of worse things than that."

"Yes, Gaius but the smell doesn't remain on your fingers and anyway, Arthur..." and he stopped dead.

"Yes, you were saying and Arthur, and Arthur what...?"

"He doesn't like me near him when my hands smell of garlic."

"Well then, that should make you happy as it means you have less work." Gaius had the art of baiting down pat. "If he doesn't want you around…so be it!"

"But I want to..."

Gaius smiled to himself. He'd been watching the two of them. He knew Arthur to be smitten but he also knew that Merlin who was three years younger was out of his depth at the moment. He figured in two years, he would have been quite capable of realising the emotions racing through his body but not right now.

He thought, 'Love's first blush is upon him...' and he smiled at the lad he'd come to think of as his.

"You could always rub mint on your fingers after you've been working with garlic then rewash your hands or I might even let you use a drop of my essence of lemon. Anyway, why the desire to spend more time with your master? Only last week, you were moaning that he was working you too hard."

"He was but I...well…I like being in his chambers." The words came out rushed.

"That's good then for I wouldn't like to think of your working somewhere, where you are not happy."

Merlin dropped his head realising that he had probably said too much. Life was hard. There was something about Arthur which he didn't understand, not Arthur really but him when he was in the same room with him.

It must be wrong as all he wanted to do was look at him. Just stare until his eyes burned and he needed to blink. He'd duck his head when caught and gaze at him through his thick fringe.

He didn't feel that way about the other knights, he sometimes helped with their armour or the people who were sick in Gaius's outer chamber. He could deal with them, changing dressings and bedding without any difficulty.

But with Arthur it was different. If ever the opportunity arose that he should be alone changing Arthur's bed he had the greatest urge to jump in it, pull the sheets up over him and dream that...

His head snapped us as a familiar voice said, "Should have known you'd be down here! I'm eating with my father and I need to change. Hurry up, we don't have much time."

Merlin put down the pestle and stood up to walk over to Arthur.

"Whoa! You're not touching my clothes if you've been working with those disgusting onions!"

"Garlic to be exact," added Gaius.

"Whatever! It's offensive. I'll get someone else to help me. I don't want to see you until tomorrow when hopefully your arrival will not be preceded by that smell." He nodded at Merlin and called, "Goodnight, Gaius!" So saying, he strolled out of the room leaving a mortified Merlin and an interested Gaius.

Saying nothing, Gaius removed the mortar and put the crushed garlic in a shallow bowl. He glanced at Merlin and realised that the boy looked not only downtrodden but his face was tear streaked.

"Merlin? What's the matter?"

"He didn't want me near him. I told you Gaius…maybe I should explain to him that I can't work for him any more."

Gaius strode over and put his arm around the lad's shoulders. "Go and wash your hands, rub in the mint salve and sit by the fire. In a little while, you can rewash them and then see if they still smell."

Merlin did as he was told then after a few minutes said, "Does he know it hurts when he speaks to me like that?"

"I don't think he does it purposely. He just doesn't think."

"But it makes me feel, he might one day decide that he doesn't need me at all. Jeb is a very good manservant and he never makes mistakes."

He's also an adult and Arthur isn't in..." Gaius stopped in time.

"Arthur isn't what…Gaius?"

"Isn't…" Gaius thought on his feet and said, "Supposed to use anyone else as a servant but you. That was his father's decision." He paused before continuing, "Merlin, are you happy to be working with Arthur?"

A smile crept across his face and he glanced to the door before saying, "Let's say that I would be very unhappy not to be working for him."

"Well, that's something at least."

"Something at least, what?"

"Nothing, just something. Before you go to bed, you can again give your hands a good wash and I'll give you a drop of the lemon oil so you can massage it into your fingers. Then hopefully, when you go to wake up the prince tomorrow, you will smell very attractive."

He smiled as the lad's face perked up, "Merlin, if you had any questions you'd come to me wouldn't you?"

"Well, I wouldn't go to Arthur as he would tell me that I'm stupid and then he smiles in a certain way and it makes me feel funny."

"Then, I think you had better come to me, don't you?"

Merlin got up to lay the table and he started humming a little song which Gaius recognised as a folk song and he joined in.

Merlin turned and grinned at him and Gaius realised why the prince had fallen head over heels with this young man but he was determined to protect Merlin until the feelings were mutual…if they ever would be.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3 : WIDE AWAKE AND ON THE MOVE**

Arthur had woken early with one thought or maybe he should say, person in mind. He tossed and turned but couldn't find anything better about which to think.

He tried thinking of knights, yes, very necessary for a kingdom and loyal to the king. Right, the king, sole ruler and his father with whom he had only two real interests…the kingdom and horses.

Ah, yes, horses, one of his passions and then he remembered Merlin grinning as he was given his first mount, confessing shyly that he had only ever ridden a horse in shafts pulling a cart. Arthur had wanted to dismount and hug him; he had looked so adorable when he was excited.

He turned over again and smiled. It couldn't hurt thinking about him could it?

He could never tell him, regardless of what Gaius said. He smiled, Merlin would have blushed...his mind took over and he daydreamed of Merlin wide eyed, shocked when he realised what he thought Arthur might be talking about.

No, that wasn't the way to proceed. He'd wait, not happily, but he'd wait until he had a better understanding of how Merlin felt. It could take weeks and then the cold reality hit him...it could take years.

He would take it easy. If Merlin did like him, he wouldn't frighten him away. He'd wait. He rolled over on his stomach and pulled the pillow over his head.

-0-O-0-

Arthur was suddenly conscious that he was not alone. Someone was in his chambers. He lay still knowing that whoever it was, they had better have a good reason for being in the prince's bed chamber.

Merlin had opened the door and put the breakfast on the table near the window. He carefully pulled back the curtains to allow a little light into the room. He knew he was running late as Gaius hadn't woken him as he was helping the castle mid-wife with a difficult birth.

He breathed a sigh of relief as Arthur was still asleep. He wouldn't get yelled at.

Though he sometimes didn't understand the yelling, as when he had done some really stupid things like colliding with the servant removing the chamber pots and sent Arthur's crashing to the floor, Arthur had raised his eyes to heaven and turned his back on him and walked away.

Yet, one day when he had missed his step as he was making the bed and overbalanced, taking a header into it, Arthur had strolled over to haul him out, saying, "Merlin, I have yet to invite you into my bed! Please control yourself!"

Grinning as he was pulled upright, Merlin suddenly gasped at the words, blushing deeply and grabbing the dirty laundry, he almost ran out of the room, leaving Arthur staring at his unmade bed.

Merlin had hit the corridor at a run colliding with Leon who had gasped and asked, "Merlin, what's wrong? Is Arthur all right?"

Leon had charged into the royal chamber, "Arthur, what in heaven's name did you do to him? He's running like a rabbit, scattering your clothes as he races away."

Having no intention of telling the truth, Arthur had shrugged his shoulders and said, "You know Merlin, no rhyme nor reason to his actions…half of the time."

If Leon had not been there, he would have hit his head repeatedly against the wall, saying, "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" He was furious with himself and embarrassed. What had he been thinking? This wasn't the way he had intended approaching Merlin. He'd really upset him and Gaius would be annoyed.

Leon had looked at Arthur who seemed to be uncomfortable and having trouble breathing. "Anyway, Arthur, be careful, Gaius isn't too happy having Merlin working for you and he'll have your hide if you upset him, he considers him family."

Merlin had reached the stairs to the laundry, he leant against the wall. Arthur had thought he had fallen into his bed on purpose. He hadn't, he'd swear it in court. He had overbalanced. He felt his cheeks getting warm again and his breathing changed rhythm.

Merlin's mind had been in shock. He was confused. Why would Arthur say that? Even think that? But even more upsetting had been, the feeling which had flooded through him, at first, he had thought it was shame but then he realized it was something different and he became ashamed. He was more flustered than ever. He had come to trust Arthur but now he felt that he was out of his depth.

He had to tell Arthur that he couldn't work for him anymore. He was confused. He didn't know where he stood. It was too difficult. He hadn't, known what to say? He thought…maybe he could have said, 'It was an accident!' or 'Make a wish!' Standing all by himself in an empty corridor, he blushed again thinking of the latter. He could never in a week of Sundays, ever have said that. For a second, his mind had felt comforted by Arthur's words and then reality had hit and he'd run away.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps, then his worse nightmare, he heard Arthur calling. "Merlin! Must I follow you down a corridor picking up my own unmentionables and carrying them to the laundry because I have an incompetent manservant?"

Arthur threw his smalls at him, giving him an apologetic grin, raised his eyebrows as if he intended to say something else but instead he'd spun on his heels and walked away, leaving an even more confused servant.

He had searched him out, when he could have just ignored him. Now, Merlin was even more unsettled.

-0-O-0-

Pushing yesterday's memories far into his mind, he softly cleared his throat as he looked at the body in the bed and said, "Good morning, Arthur Sire! I have your breakfast and the hot water will soon be arriving."

Arthur not wanted to seem too eager, slipped his head from under the pillow and said, "Merlin…?"

"Yes, it's me ready for another day. It's cold in the room so you should put on your dressing robe while I add some more logs to the fire and warm up the place."

Arthur thought, 'Merlin, with your arrival, the chamber had warmed considerably'. Instead, he looked directly at him, warning his heart to remain steady and said, "Are you early or late today?"

"Well, Arthur I would have been on time but Gaius was called out for a birthing and I had to get up on my own and I don't know, the birds didn't do such a good job of waking me…." And he finished the sentence in a rush with the words, "…as they usually do?"

"Merlin, usually do? Come on, you're seldom here on time. I've a mind to install you in the royal manservant's chamber off the antechamber."

"You'd imprison me there?"

"No, Silly, it is usual for a king's or prince's royal personal manservant to sleep in that little chamber so that he can be at the beck and call of his master twenty-four hours a day. I might need you during the night." Arthur's eyebrows raised slightly but Merlin had his head down and missed it as he was trying to get his mind around sleeping that close to Arthur.

He had naturally slept with him when camping with the knights but, usually he had curled up out of the way against a tree. Though…one time, when it was really cold, Arthur had insisted that everyone sleep around the fire including him and the groom.

He looked up and Arthur was watching him. He felt that annoying telltale heat in his cheeks and he knew that he was beginning to blush.

Arthur looking at him thought, 'Beautiful!' Then shook his head and came back to the present and said kindly,"Do you think you would like to have that space as your own? You'd have to do some tidying up first but the king's manservant stays within call over night and you could do the same for me."

Merlin was frightened that Arthur could hear his heart beating double time so he cast his eyes down and said, "Yes." He knew that the little room was for a manservant as Gaius had told him and mentioned that Killian the king's manservant also lived in the royal chambers, which was handy for when the king was unwell.

"Speak up, Merlin, was that a half-hearted 'Yes!' I heard?"

Merlin looked up and gave a little smile, "Yes, Arthur, I could move my possessions into the manservant's room if you want me to." And added more quietly, "I'd be happy to…" He could have kicked himself, did he actually say that with his outside voice?

Arthur didn't seem to notice as he said, "It's settled then, go tell Gaius that you are moving in here and you might as well add, that I had given you the chance to refuse but that you accepted." He smiled softly and said, "Don't worry, you'll be safe."

Merlin said, "Tell him, right now?"

"No, Merlin! I need to have breakfast and get dressed, as I have a meeting with the knights. You can tell him later today and you can move in tomorrow."

Merlin grinned to himself, 'What would Gaius think? He was going to be a real manservant, living in the royal chambers."

Arthur wondered, how happy Gaius would be about the change in accommodation?


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4 : AS PEARLS CAST BEFORE SWINE**

True to his word, Merlin agreed to move into the little chamber of Arthur's antechamber. The bed was certainly a little more spacious and comfortable than back at Gaius's and to his astonishment he actually had blankets, bed sheets and a pillow slip, which items Arthur insisted he was responsible for keeping clean and washing if necessary.

Arthur was shocked at the meagre possessions which Merlin brought upstairs. "Where are your winter clothes?"

Shrugging, Merlin pointed to what he was wearing. "I also have an old woollen cloak of Gaius's and a knitted jumper my mother made me. This is all I have and these are new boots which Gaius got for me as the others leaked."

"Second hand…" said the prince sniffing.

Merlin smiled quite happily as he said, "New to me!"

Arthur smiled, it sometimes broke his heart at how appreciative Merlin was of things he would have cast aside. He wanted to shower him with anything he needed but he held back. He knew Merlin would be embarrassed but he decided that he would certainly have to have an outfit befitting his manservant, if he were to attend ceremonial dinners with him.

He said, "Put your arms out and stand still." Merlin tried to hang onto his backpack. "Put that thing down, I want to look at you. Stand still." Arthur walked around him, really noticing his size and the length of his arms and legs. He did not touch him. "Well," he finally said trying to keep his voice steady as his heart was thumping in his chest from being that close to him. "I think that I have some outfits from years ago which with a little lengthening, might at least keep you warm in the winter."

"You'd let me wear some of your clothes?"

"Cast off, Merlin, cast offs…" He knew that there were chests full of his old clothes in one of the adjacent chambers which was used for storage. He'd find him suitable clothes with a little more weight than what he was wearing. He needed a warm doublet as the knights wore for the winter, not a bright colour but maybe dark blue or green.

He had a mission in life that was outside his usual jobs and not only would he be near Merlin, he'd be actually very near.

Merlin had felt funny having Arthur looking at him so closely. He's done a little shifting only to be told to stand still. He recognised that feeling again as Arthur appraised his body. What was it and why did it only happen with Arthur? He never felt that when Gaius checked him out.

-0-O-0-

The first night, he had slept in his little room, it had felt strange. He'd helped Arthur get ready for bed and blown out all the candles bar the one on the bedside table. "Goodnight Arthur, I'll be here on time tomorrow."

"Merlin, you're sleeping next door, you could roll out of bed and be in mine almost immediately." Arthur winced at that last phrase. He hoped Merlin took it as it was meant. "Anyway, get to bed. I need my sleep."

Merlin closed the bedchamber door and went across the antechamber to his little room. It wasn't until he was in bed that he realised how dark the room was. There was a little grill way up high but it only gave a faint glow from the nearest torch in the corridor wall sconce. He tiptoed out of bed and opened his door a crack.

He slept well and next morning he couldn't figure where he was. His eyes had turned to his window but it wasn't there and then he'd realised he was in his new quarters.

He had settled in very well and kept Gaius up to date on all the things Arthur and he did together. Things were really busy and certainly being on hand made sense.

One day just into the second week, he was awakened by Arthur's voice.

"Your door is open...were you spying on me?"

"No! There are no windows in here and it's like being in solitary confinement."

Arthur pushed in the door and saw his tousled manservant on the bed. He stood in the doorway saying, "Merlin, where do you find these words?"

Merlin pushed himself up on his elbows. "Honestly, Arthur it wouldn't hurt you to increase your vocabulary by one new word a day."

Arthur scowled at him, trying to keep his mind away from what his eyes were seeing, but instead on what Merlin was saying. "...and which word do you think I should conquer today?"

Merlin scrambled off the bed, he felt distinctly uncomfortable as Arthur eyed him, his voice belying the look in his eyes. A look which sent little warm shivers down his body but also an uncomfortable feeling that there was much more in Arthur's mind than the words he hid behind.

He stuttered, "How…how about…breakfast?"

Arthur rounded on him and said, "How about _breakfast?_ Merlin, I've know that word forever, even before you were born!"

"No, I mean, how about breakfast, as in are you ready for your breakfast? Are you feeling peckish?"

"I'll peck you!"

"No, it means are you somewhat hungry as in, would you like to peck at some food?"

"Merlin, I don't think this is working out having you living here." Arthur noticed the horror on Merlin's face. "You are too demanding. What has happened to the quiet manservant who almost minded his own business?"

Merlin dropped his head. He loved living in his little room in the royal chambers. He was never late, he was always available to help Arthur and now it looked as if it had come to an end after only ten days. He muttered, "I'm sorry, Arthur!"

Arthur had regretted the comment as soon as it had left his lips. He liked having Merlin there, literally at his beck and call. He had thought that they were getting along fine and then he had opened his big mouth and put his foot in it.

"I'm sorry, Merlin, that came out all wrong. I want you stay here. What I was trying to say is that you have changed, you are more yourself, a real person. You must have driven Gaius crazy over the last two years." He smiled fondly and went to put his arm around Merlin's shoulders but stopped just short and instead gave him a manly slap on the back and told him to get dressed and to go get breakfast.

"I'm returning to bed as talking with you has given me a headache."

"Yeah, right! Lazy beggar!" said Merlin under his breath as he pulled on his tunic and jacket and let himself into the corridor.

To say that Merlin was confused was to understate the situation. He thought, 'Yes, he wanted him there…no he didn't and what was that last action? Certainly prior to changing into a slap, there had been another message in the prince's eyes.' He jogged down the stairs saying to himself, "I'll just play it by ear…"

-0-O-0-

"Come and git it!" he announced as he walked through the antechamber to put the platters on the table.

He stopped dead. Arthur was not alone.

One of the stuffiest knights in the court had been talking to him. He was in the process of leaving and as he passed Merlin he glared and said, "I can assure you, young man, that that is not the way to announce to Prince Arthur that his breakfast has arrived. He's not a pig and hopefully, what you have brought him is not swill!"

Merlin managed to get to the table and deposit the food before he collapsed on a chair laughing. He looked up at Arthur who had also lost any semblance of the Crown Prince to which Stuffy Stuart was referring. Tears streaming down his face, he was hanging onto the bedpost, trying to catch his breath.

"I hope he doesn't repeat that to my father. He'd been furious with you."

Merlin shrugged his shoulders saying, "Arthur, it's all right. You can in return say that he called you a pig and referred to the castle's fine cuisine as swill."

Arthur burst out laughing, "Merlin, you certainly brighten every day."

"Do I, Arthur?"

Then mimicking Stuffy Stuart, Arthur said, "Yes, young man, you do!"

At that moment, Merlin realised that he would have to tone down some of his behaviour as he could never be happier than working with Arthur. He couldn't explain the feeling, just that he felt comfortably warm inside and knew that he was probably grinning from ear to ear like an idiot.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5 : A RESPECTFUL DISTANCE**

Today, while handing him his cloak, their hands had touched. The shock was noticeable. It settled in his heart and spread through his body. He'd pulled away as if stung and realised that Arthur was watching his discomfort and had dropped his eyes and smiled.

He didn't think he had any effect on Arthur but he knew for sure the Arthur's touch sent shivers through him and made his heart feel too big for his chest.

Arthur smiled; Merlin had practically jumped out of his skin when their hands had touched. He wanted so much to grasp his wrist and pull him closer but, he'd controlled the impulse and just smiled. The last thing he wanted to do was to chase Merlin away. If the feeling was not to be reciprocated, he still wanted to be on good enough terms that Merlin would remain his servant. But deep down the prince wanted more…

-0-O-0-

Arthur's problem, if it could be called that, had started within the first year that Merlin had been with him. He'd been fascinated by his independent spirit since he'd first met him. He was fresh and forthright. He treated him like a person not a position. But it was allowing Merlin to help him dress which had first ignited the flame.

"You mean, you can't get dressed by yourself?"

"Of course, I can but if I have to wear armour, it's great to have a second pair of hands."

"So, I would just be another couple of hands to make dressing easier."

"Dressing, yes and with my bathing."

"I'd have to wash you?" Merlin had not meant to blurt that out. He just froze at the idea. His toes curling in embarrassment and he knew by the heat in his face that he was blushing.

"Idiot! You would have to prepare the bath, arrange for the filling and the emptying of the bath. See that large bath sheets, soaps and whatever else I need are available...it's not rocket science."

And it hadn't been, but the first time as Arthur had started to remove his trousers, Merlin had closed his eyes and managed to stumble through the whole routine with closed eyes thereby seeing nothing too disturbing.

The hardest thing to date and the most mind shattering wasn't dealing with kitchen or laundry staff, it was rinsing off the prince once he stood up in the bath. Merlin sometimes wished that he could have just sloshed him off with a bucket of water as you might a sweaty horse. But no, there was a routine to be followed which if he didn't, there would be raised eyebrows and snide comments.

"What part of start at my head, do you not understand?"

"But then you shake it and I always get wet!"

"You won't melt, will you?"

Merlin decided that didn't merit a response but made sure that the next pitcher of clean water was a little cooler as it cascaded down his shoulders, across his back to his... Merlin swallowed a laugh as his lord and master exploded.

"Merlin, warm water, you fool!"

-0-O-0-

After six months, he was much more relaxed in his dealing with a semi clad prince. Merlin had to acknowledge that he was handsome even sometimes disturbingly so, not in a negative, if anything, in a particularly positive manner.

He smiled to himself some of the most relaxing times he had had with Arthur was sitting on a stool as he soaked in the bath. They had talked about their early lives and Merlin had realised that Arthur the man, was slowly getting under his skin.

Arthur was now wrapped in a bath sheet standing in front of a blazing fire. He had confided to Merlin that given his choice he preferred to air dry. "Used to drive my nursemaids crazy, even as a little one, I'd escape their arms and take off to the nearest source of heat."

Merlin smiled, he remembered as a child on a hot summer day, his mother would drag him to the river and make sure that he had a good wash. Seldom, were they alone so the kids just ran around starkers until they became chilled and sought out clothes. He understood Arthur.

He was impressed as he'd reached the stage where he could nonchalantly say, "Suit yourself! Nothing, I haven't already seen."

Arthur deciding to take a risk, said conversationally, "So...you've been checking me out?"

Merlin almost choked. He turned beet red and stumbled away. He felt sick…had it been so obvious?

Arthur, still wrapped in his bath sheet, walked after him, "Merlin, sorry, that was uncalled for..."

"It's all right. I don't know why I did that. Arthur, I'm a manservant you're my master, so do whatever you want and I'll cope."

"Merlin, did you know that when you blush, even the tips of your ears go red." Arthur had the greatest desire to run his fingers gently over the shell of those same ears. He reached out and pulled back almost immediately, controlling himself.

"If that was supposed to make me feel any better, it doesn't," said Merlin with a slight smile. He'd caught the aborted action out of the corner of his eye but decided that he was better, ignoring it. He desperately needed to have a chat with Gaius. "You get dried and I'll get your clothes, you've a meeting within the hour with stuffy Stuart and his gang of reprobates."

Arthur relaxed, Merlin was still Merlin; he hadn't completely botched up the whole thing.

Dressing that day was a little tense as Merlin's hands seemed to be everywhere and Arthur was having the hardest time not leaning into them.

"Arthur, stand still. You're worse than a kid wanting to dash off only half dressed," said Merlin as he walked behind him. Straightening, his tunic across his shoulders, he spun him around to face him and realised to his horror that Arthur and he were now standing face to face separated by a few inches. Both of their bodies were tense and Merlin broke first saying, "Sorry, I don't know what happened…"

He let go of Arthur's shoulders and backed up allowing a more appropriate space between them. He couldn't look Arthur in the eye. His heart was chugging in his chest, he couldn't breathe and he could feel himself taking that gradual step into a full blown blush.

Arthur's mind had been yelling, 'Now! Lean forward a little and you can…!' He stopped and got control of his feelings before saying, "It's all right, Merlin. Just that the second pair of hands are supposed 'to walk' around the person, arranging the clothes not manhandle him." He laughed to show no animosity and laid his hand ever so briefly on Merlin's shoulders, saying, "All right, let's continue. I can imagine Stuffy's face if I were to be a few minutes late!"

Merlin's shoulder felt as if it had been shot through with lightening. 'Why was this happening? He didn't want it…did he?' He then suddenly saw, how silly it was and self-consciously he started to giggle, he hesitantly lifted his eyes to Arthur's face and saw that he was grinning. Laughing out loud, Merlin said, "I guess I haven't got the hang of things yet, Sire!"

"No…" Arthur said as he agreed absentmindedly.

-0-O-0-

Arthur was dressed, nothing further had been said. Merlin collected the papers off the table and walked ahead of him to open the door. They walked companionably, side by side through the corridors and down the stairs. Arthur realised that he would not be able to concentrate at the meeting if he knew that Merlin was standing behind his chair. He was still wound up tight about the morning's events.

"You won't need to stay. When you have finished tidying the chambers, take the time to visit Gaius. However, don't forget that I expect you to serve me at lunch in the little dining hall. It will be just me and a few knights."

Merlin's eyes lit up, time with Gaius. Arthur must have read his mind and then he started to blush thinking, 'I hope not!' He held the door for Arthur and then walked into the chamber, placing Arthur's papers on the table and once he had seen him comfortably seated, he bowing slightly and left the room. He saw Stuffy giving him a glare and wanted to laugh out loud, 'Pigs, indeed!'

Once in the corridor, he took off at a jog and within minutes, he had his hand on the door latch, "Gaius?"


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6 : BARING ONE'S SOUL**

"Gaius? Are you here?"

"No, Merlin, I'm not!" He paused and grinned, "Of course, I am! Come on in, I have just made something to drink."

Merlin waltzed happily into the room, glancing around enjoying its familiarity and plonked himself on the chair opposite Gaius.

"So…what brings you here during working hours? Has Arthur finally given you the boot?"

"I don't think so. He has a meeting and said that I could visit you until I serve him lunch."

"That was nice of him. Any particular reason, why?"

"I don't think so…"

Gaius raised his eyebrows and said resignedly, "All right, out with it, Merlin, what have you done?"

"Well, nothing really. There was a little something but then it was over and he never mentioned it again."

"What happened?"

"Well…it wasn't my fault exactly but I was helping him dress and…I ended up with my hands on his shoulders and my face about a hand away from his."

Gaius shook his head, "Well, I can't see how that was so wrong, when you're fixing his collar and the buckles on his armour, you must be that close."

"But it wasn't just the closeness, it was the funny feeling. I had expected him to explode and send me flying but he didn't. He just…smiled and put his hand on my shoulder. He wasn't even cross, just said, 'It's all right, Merlin!' and he..."

Merlin stopped dead and put his head in his hands, he picked up the mug but only got it halfway to his mouth before he put it down again.

Gaius waited; he could see that the boy hadn't stopped thinking so he gave him time. Whatever was bothering him hadn't been that traumatic but it had obviously caused some concern. He'd throttle Arthur if he had done anything involving pulling rank over his manservant.

Merlin lifted his worried eyes and said hesitantly "…and that wasn't all…when he touched my shoulder I felt as if it had received a shock but the shock continued down into my heart and I felt really strange as if it had grown twice its size and it started jumping around and I felt warm and…happy.

"Then it seemed to be over but the warm feeling remained and I was getting worried that something was awfully wrong with me. He didn't do anything to me, it was just his smile and his closeness, I think." He dropped his head again and said, almost inaudibly, "Gaius, I think I wanted to hug him!" He dropped his head in his hands are started to sob.

"There, there, it's all right…!" Gaius said softly, "We often have sentimental reactions to other peoples' actions."

Merlin pulled his sleeve over the palm of his hand and wiped his eyes, "But I started it by getting too close… and I didn't mean to and now…I'm afraid it will happen again…and I won't know what to do."

"You're doing nothing wrong by the sound of it. You and Arthur get along well. You're happy working for him, aren't you?"

"Of course, he's interesting and funny and we have long conversations." Merlin had a flash of the bathing incident. He looked at Gaius and realised that he had to say something but he really didn't know how. He signed took a deep breath and said, "Gaius?"

Noticing the questioning tone in that word, Gaius looked up and said softly, "Yes?"

"Gaius, should I be getting these feelings when I am with Arthur? He's a man, isn't he?" He gave a pathetic grin and continued, "I mean, I know he's a man but do men ever get these feelings with other men?" Again he dropped his eyes and said quietly, "I know that some people do…but why would I?"

Not wanting to influence him, Gaius said, "You can't predict who will make you react like that. It's nature, it just happens."

"But the king says that it is wrong and I know that he has even had two men burnt on the same pyre for sleeping together."

"Merlin, no one is asking you to sleep with them. That is something that you decide yourself and as at the moment, you have plenty to do with your job, I think you are a little premature in worrying about what Uther thinks."

Deep down, Gaius was thinking about Arthur and he intended to have a chat with him in the near future. He realised that Merlin was experiencing things which he had not until now and he didn't want Arthur crowding him making it difficult, if not impossible to make a free choice.

"Cheer up! You have a good relationship with Arthur, so continue with things as they are. Don't read too much into how you feel, you'll spend the whole time worrying and miss out on having fun. Aren't you supposed to be going hunting later in the week? That'll give you a chance to clear your head of all your problems."

"Great and I hate hunting. Anyway, Gaius, thanks for listening to me, you probably think I'm stupid but you are really the only person with whom I can discuss this except for Arthur and I'd be too embarrassed to let him know what is happening. I'd better go, or I will get the heighth of abuse, if I am late, verbal that is, not physical."

He left in a much happier frame of mind that he arrived, Gaius was right, it was probably nothing…

-0-O-0-

Gaius wasn't surprised that the next time his talents at solving love problems, were called for was when Arthur opened the door and called , "Gaius, are you here?"

Smiling at having recently heard those same words from Merlin, said, "I'm here, just having something to drink, join me..."

Arthur sat in the chair which Merlin had vacated twenty-four hours ago. Gaius poured some mead in a mug for him and waited.

Arthur had never been shy sharing life's problems with Gaius. It was not unlike the confessional, the seal would never be broken and surprisingly, Gaius had a way of solving all problems, big or small.

He sighed and said, "Gaius, I think that I might have spooked Merlin. I didn't mean too but he suddenly was standing before me and I'm sure he read in my eyes that something was not the same. He looked scared and jumped away and when I put my hand on his shoulder, he flinched. He actually flinched. I don't think he likes me in that way."

"Arthur, he doesn't even know what 'in that way' means. You've had time to get your mind around this. He's still trying to understand his own feelings and if you are not careful, you'll scare him off. Give him a chance. Be open to any of his questions but remember, he is village born and you are so far above him position wise that that is enough to worry him."

"Has he said anything to you to give you the impression that he might be open to my intentions?"

"Arthur, I prefer not to discuss with you, how Merlin feels, just as I wouldn't openly discuss your feelings with him."

"What do I do?"

"Continue enjoying his company. Try to be kind and understanding. Talk to him, he did mention that you and he have great conversations."

Arthur nodded but then added, "I can't wait forever, Gaius!"

Gauis answered sharply, "Well then, maybe you should leave right now and look for another heart to conquer!"

There was silence and finally, a subdued voice said, "I can't, Gaius, I really can't!"

Gaius felt sorry but there was nothing he could do. He refused to push Merlin in any direction. He had to make up his own mind and knowing Merlin he would, in his own sweet time.

Regardless of Arthur's pleadings, and masked threats, Gaius would not be shifted. "Arthur, if you honestly are unwilling to wait a couple of months then I really think that you should reconsider if your feelings for Merlin are genuine or just something of a convenience. The fact that his is always around you, always available, isn't something to base a relationship upon."

"But I don't think of anyone else in the same way, not the ladies of the court or the various knights who have made it pretty clear that they are available should I be interested. I'm not the only one who looks at Merlin, the maids flirt continually with him and a couple of the knights have actually told me that they would welcome his company." Arthur looked upset but seemed more determined when he said, "That's not going to happen, Gaius, as he's mine!"

"No, Arthur, he is not, he is only your manservant, you have no other claim to him. He is free to associate with whomever he chooses and you will not push him into making any decision before he is ready. How would you feel if your father forced a woman on you and insisted that you keep yourself only for her without being given the opportunity to make the decision."

"I would absolutely refuse!"

"Would you, Arthur? Your father has power over you as your king, just as your have power over Merlin. Mark my words, if you force yourself on him, he will run. He likes you, but until he knows his own mind, he would be unable to stay and his only recourse would be to take off. I'd be unable to stop him. He wouldn't want to repulse your attention but if it came down to it he would be gone...and, Arthur, I couldn't recommend that he stay and I wouldn't try to stop him!

Arthur looked upset so Gaius continued, "Think about it, Arthur! What would you do? …chain him to your bed?"

Arthur had the decency to drop his head into his hands but deep down he knew that although he wouldn't go that far, that that might have been a possibility. Gaius finally heard a muffled, "...it hurts, Gaius, it really hurts."

"I know, Arthur, first love always hurts."

"Am I stupid even thinking about him, the way I do?"

"I don't think so. If there is respect between the two of you that is the first step. It might grow into love but you can't push it. Let it take its course maybe by the winter, you and he will have straightened this thing out!"

Gaius's thought to himself, 'Please, God! …as I can't suffer two lovesick individuals darkening my door continually.'


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7 : MISTER I-KNOW-EVERYTHING-ABOUT-LOVE**

Merlin was returning to Arthur's chambers and tried to get his head around what Gaius had said. What he was feeling was nothing wrong but he still wasn't too sure, if he himself knew what he was feeling in the first place. He knew that he liked Arthur, he was fun to work for and he enjoyed engaging in the camaraderie with him and his knights. It was like a group of good friends. They all fooled around and Merlin was accepted as inevitably, he was with Arthur.

He made his way slowly thinking, 'Why did he feel so different if Arthur smiled and looked at him, as Leon could do the same and he was able to just smile back without feeling all tied up in knots.' It was even worse if they were alone and one hundred times worse if they were in close proximity to each other. He almost felt his cheeks burning just thinking out it. He thought, 'But no one else seemed to notice, did they?'

Arthur was making his way to the small dining hall when he bumped into Gawaine and Leon. "Where's your side kick? A regular little couple you are becoming."

"Shut up, Gawaine, you're out of order!"

"Then…why so touchy? Surely you have noticed that he is being chased by practically all of Camelot, males and females alike and yet he is oblivious to anyone but you."

Leon put his hand in between them and said, "Leave it, Gawaine! Arthur, ignore him he's just trying to wind you up?"

"Well," continued Gawaine, "There's something about him that even attracts me, but he'd have to line up behind all the buxom wenches first."

Arthur whirled on him, raising his voice, "What part of leave it alone, did you not understand? If I wanted your opinion, which I do not, I would have asked you?"

Gawaine stood stock still but then caught up with the other two and said, "Sorry, Arthur, I was out of order. I take back what I said."

"Good thing too or you might have found yourself outside the portcullis minus your red cloak."

Gawaine had the decency to give a slight bow and say, "Sire…" But he thought that he was right that there was something between the prince and his manservant. He wasn't blind, he'd seen Arthur's smile, and how Merlin had always kept his distance. Even when Uther had not been present either. He was a real stickler for personal space, insisting that all servants dealing with him or his son do so with arms outstretched, making dressing or serving food certainly more difficult.

He decided that Arthur needed to lighten up, get into the habit of being more human-like maybe giving the poor man a hug. Then he grinned, Arthur only hugged knights and even then it was a pathetically, sad display of inclining your body towards the other and patting him on the back, not a real hug. Maybe that was what a royal hug was supposed to be. Not too close, not too tight an almost militaristic manoeuvre. He'd been brought up in a hugging family and as far as he could see, the only person who really hugged Arthur and received a hug in return was Gaius but then again he and the prince had a special history.

Gawaine decided then and there, that he was going to teach Arthur how to show his emotions especially towards someone as worthy as Merlin. He liked Merlin, he was smart and honourable. He was faithful to a fault with Arthur regardless of the situation and the only time he really seemed to be nervous was when Uther interfered and challenged Arthur in his way of dealing with 'That Boy', as he referred to Merlin.

He decided that Arthur needed to put his foot down. Merlin was his manservant and if he was happy with the way he carried out his duty who was the king to decide otherwise. Boy, if he belonged to him, Gawaine knew that he would have challenged anyone saying or doing anything negative to or about him. He smiled as Merlin entered the dining hall, he grinned back and then went to Arthur. Reading body language with Arthur was easy, as his body relaxed imperceptibly and then he caught Gawaine's eye and glared at him.

Gawaine decided that he'd better back down and he spent the rest of the meal chatting happily with Sir Roger who happened to be sitting beside him.

As the group made their way back along the corridor, Leon came up to him and said, "I think you should watch yourself with Arthur."

"So, you're saying, I'm right?"

"Maybe…!"

Gawaine put his arm across Leon's shoulder and said, "Ask me, can I read body language, or what? Now, to teach Merlin to do the same." He looked at Leon's face and added quickly, "Only kidding…"

-0-O-0-

Arthur sat at his table in his chamber trying to read the report about the harvest with little luck. Gawaine's words kept interfering with the cartloads of grain and root vegetables which were being stored. Was it really important for him to read of the number of heads of cattle and sheep slaughtered? He wasn't on the Master of Purveyance's staff but his father insisted. He had to get through it as the king was likely to check up on him tomorrow at the Winter Supplies Meeting.

However, he couldn't concentrate; Gawaine had to be wrong, he was just guessing about Arthur's feelings. Surely, his behaviour wasn't that apparent. How could Gawaine know how he feels when even Merlin didn't? Was he that hopeless at hiding his feelings? No, Gawaine was just trying to be clever and make trouble. He'd have to be certain that his behaviour toward Merlin was what one would expect between a prince and his manservant. He'd start right now…

Merlin had returned to the chamber and was checking out Arthur's clothes for tears and damage. Although the cloaks were weighted and balanced to fall in a semi-circle when the wearer strode out, Arthur and many of the other knights were forever ripping the hems by standing on them.

"Arthur, why don't you start a new fashion and wear your cloak shorter, so that it doesn't get under your feet and then I wouldn't have to repair it so often?"

"Because, when I was on a horse, it wouldn't cover its rump and it would look stupid."

"But my winter cloak doesn't cover my horse's rump…"

"Exactly, and you look stupid…"

Merlin just accepted it by sighing. "Anyway you all look like a bunch of girls standing there with your cloaks draped over your arms."

"Merlin, shut up! If I want to hear from you, I'll rattle your cage!"

Merlin looked up expecting a smile but there was none as Arthur had his eyes on his report. "That wasn't a very nice thing to say."

"Well, Merlin, if you are looking for nice remarks, maybe you should get back to what you were doing and stop interrupting me."

"Someone got out on the wrong side of the bed this morning!"

"Did you say something?"

"No, Sire!"

"Speak up, I certainly heard something…"

"Sire! It was nothing important."

"So…maybe you should have kept it to yourself. Now, be quiet!"

Merlin was shocked Arthur was usually not so curt with him. He tried to remember what he had done wrong this morning but he could think of nothing. It must have been something which had happened with Stuffy Stuart at the meeting, although he seemed all right at lunch just a little quieter than usual. 'Oh, well,' he thought, 'It'll blow over…' He stood up and laid out the cloak on the bed and went over the hem carefully.

Arthur thought, 'Why am I taking it out on Merlin when it is Gawaine whom I'm annoyed with? Mister I-Know-Everything-About-Love!' He smashed his hand flat on the desk making Merlin look over. "Nothing, I just thought of something, I meant to do."

"Well at least it wasn't a flea. Did you know that Gaius has a special liquid and you don't have to try to crack them to kill them, you just drop them into it and they die?"

Arthur could have felt of one very enjoyable way of shutting Merlin up. But he shrugged and said, "No…"

"Sorry, Arthur, I didn't mean to speak again until supper but then you mentioned fleas and I remembered Gaius's solvent."

"I don't believe that I mentioned fleas, Merlin, I think you did."

…and then he smiled and Merlin's heart lifted and was doing somersaults and his body felt alive and he wanted the rush at Arthur and give him a Gaius type hug but he couldn't, it wouldn't be right, would it? So, he just smiled back carefully.

Arthur couldn't believe the look on Merlin's face, it lit up and he had the strongest urge to get up and walk towards him holding his hands out inviting Merlin to grasp them and hope that he would again feel that tingling sensation that he had been getting over the last ten days, when Merlin touched him while dressing or handing him something.

He was certain beyond a doubt that it was Merlin he was supposed to love but how do you find out when the other person seems unaware as to what was going on in your body.

Merlin returned the cloak to its hook and as Arthur could no longer see him, he nuzzled his face into the material and breathed deeply. He could smell Arthur…he spun around as he hear Arthur's chair scrape back. He bustled back into the bedchamber to lay some logs on the fire, he was still buzzing inside from the smile and he had to concentrate on what he was doing. Next he would see to getting water heated so Arthur could freshen up for supper.

Then, reality came crushing down, tonight Arthur would be dining with his father in his private chambers and he would be serving. He shuddered; the king had a flair for putting a damper on everything.

Maybe, they wouldn't have to be there too long and then they could return to the safety of their own chambers. He stopped, had he said _their_ chambers? That was a stretch of the imagination, Arthur and he technically shared chambers, well not really…but _their_ chambers, yes, but he liked the ring of it. He decided he could get used to that.

Not looking where he was going he walked smack into Arthur, who grabbed him from falling over, held him for a moment longer than necessary and then had suddenly said, "Sorry, Merlin…" and let him go, turning away from him.

That Merlin was surprised was an under statement, he'd expected to be called 'Clumsy and Stupid.' He desperately wanted to say, 'Don't be sorry, Arthur, I'm not…' He'd caught the blush on Arthur's cheeks and at the minute realised what was happening...

Arthur walked to the window and not wanting to blame himself, said, "Damn that Gawaine!"

**Author's note: In Sir Thomas Mallory's (15th C.) Le Morte d'Arthur, there is a knight called Gawayne and I combined that with Sir Alfred Tennyson's (19th C.) spelling of Gawain. I prefer it to the BBC's Gwaine, hence for me, he's Gawaine.**


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8 : MY HEART IS AN OPEN BOOK**

Merlin couldn't wait to get down to Gaius.

He had a few hours to himself as the morning's meeting was attended by the king's manservant Killian so Merlin was excused, just as well really but he was always on tenterhooks around the king. He had never told Arthur but he really did not like the man. Gaius had warned him about saying that aloud as many people would have been only too happy to carry it back to the king and you could bet that he would have been out on his ear in no time.

Gaius was messing with his burners and vials. Merlin offered to help and he ended up opening flax bolls to release the seeds. Gaius would then grind the actually seed to release the oil known as linseed. Merlin also knew from Gaius that Arthur's favourite ceremonial linen tunic was made from the flax plant fibres. He was quite happy to work with the seeds, it was easy and he could chat with Gaius at the same time.

He figured he might as well get off his chest what had happened the day before. Without further ado, he launched into his story of Arthur grabbing him to hold him upright and then blushing and saying sorry. "I think I know what is happening, Gaius."

"You do?"

"Yes! I think Arthur has fallen in love with me…"

"…and?" said the experienced court physician.

"I…I think that it is the same as all the feelings I have for him." He shook more bolls onto the table and started picking through them, "Can a man really love another man?"

"I believe so…"

"But how does that happen?"

"Well, first you feel friendship and then you get closer and realise that the other person has a special place in your heart and that you want to get even closer than that."

"...and you can do that?"

"Yes…"

"Gaius, I have so much to learn that I think I will need your help."

Gaius looked lovingly at the boy whom he considered his own and said softly, "If you want my help, I'm sure that I will be able to answer your questions and those which I can't, surely in this room crammed with books, we should be able to find the answers."

"Maybe, I should tell Arthur so that he can also come so we can study it together."

The thought of trying to deal with Arthur at the same time, found Gaius shaking his head and saying, "Merlin, I think maybe you should concentrate on this by yourself for the time being."

"Well, you think that would be best? So…Gaius, where do I start?

Day by day, whenever time permitted Gaius helped Merlin learn about his feelings. He never acknowledged that Arthur had spoken to him. He let Merlin make his own decisions but gave him any information he felt that he needed.

"What do you know about love-making, Merlin?"

"Well, I know about babies, you can't live long around animals without figuring that out, Gaius," he grinned softly.

"Well, I guess that's a start!" said the old man.

-0-O-0

One day, Merlin wanted to burst into their chambers as he liked to call them, to tell Arthur that he now knew everything. He didn't however, for he wasn't absolutely certain that Arthur was feeling the same way, and even though he had asked Gaius what he should do, Gaius would only say, "Merlin, you'll know when the time is right..."

He'd had his eyes opened and realised that there were other people of the same sex who were in love. He knew of two menservants and possibly a stable boy and a squire and he had his suspicions about two young knights. But he also realised that there were more people in love who were not of the same sex. It seemed to him the neatest thing that these people could publicly hold hands, hug and in some cases even share a fleeting kiss.

Gaius had made sure that he understood the danger of the king finding out that he was in love with his son. "To put it bluntly, you wouldn't survive, once you were caught, you would be severely beaten and whipped and then, half dead, what was left of you would be burned on a pyre."

"…and Arthur?"

"I have a feeling, he would be whipped but also made to watch your being punished and then burned."

"He'd be sad…"

Gaius felt his heart clench as he realised that knowing Arthur the way he did and realising the extent of his love for his manservant, that what Merlin said was simplistic but he had no intention of enlightening him.

Gaius remembered watching the love of his life burned because she had magic and how his life had been spared because he was a talented physician. For many years, he had wished that he could have died on the pyre with her as the suffering he enduring by living was worse.

Then slowly, he had begun to take interest in life and Arthur had been born and needed him as a buffer against his father and his non-parental ways. Then, Merlin had entered his life and he knew that this was another reason why he still walked the earth. This special boy needed him.

"The king doesn't understand, does he, Gaius?"

"No, Merlin the king and many people will not understand…"

-0-O-0-

Arthur knew that he had given Merlin enough work to keep him busy and that gave him time to visit with Gaius.

"Gaius?" No answer, he wasn't there. Arthur decided to wait for a little while, the room was warm and he had spend hours there over the years, so he was quite at home. He poked around. He stood looking at the leeches, disgusting things; he remembered helping Gaius to clean the tanks and they had climbed on his arms. He laughed, Gaius was always extolling their virtues. He smiled to himself, well maybe not useless but certainly grotty!

Merlin and he had had a discussion about them one day. Merlin had confessed that he had let one sit on his hand to drawn blood that was until Gaius had caught him and told him that he didn't have enough healthy blood to allow a leech to feed on him. Arthur smiled; he loved little stories about Merlin before he became his servant. It made him feel positively protective of him.

The door swung open and Gaius came in laden down with roots and other strange things. "Ah, Arthur, nice to see that you haven't forgotten me! Give me a hand."

"I'd never forget you, Gaius! Let me take that for you." He grasped a bag and was sure that there was something alive within it but he didn't even want to know… He wrinkled his nose in disgust. It was probably, one of the ingredients for those foul-tasting concoctions that were supposed to make you better when you felt sick.

"Swing, the kettle over the fire, it's got water in it and we'll have a cup of something. It is really getting cold out there. I think we're in for a change in the weather."

Finally, sitting across the table from each other with two mugs in front of them, Gaius said, "So, how is your love life?"

Arthur said, "Shhh!" as he glanced over his shoulder towards the door. "Gaius, no one but you and I are supposed to know about that. Well, and Merlin too one day, I hope!"

Gaius grinned saying, "Arthur, we're alone everyone else in the castle is busy and anyway, what are you doing down here at this time of day?"

"Well, I have to be at the king's for supper tonight so I gave Merlin enough fiddling jobs to keep him busy and came down to see you."

"Ah, so there has been some progress…"

"Well, sort of..." Arthur then told all about Mr. I-Know-Everything-About-Love and his comments. "I was really cross, I was so frightened that Gawaine was going to say something in front of Merlin but he didn't. But I think that Merlin might like me a little in that way.

"He walked right into me in my chamber and I grabbed him so he didn't fall over and he didn't flinch or try to pull away, he just stood there looking normal. I said that I was sorry and, Gaius, guess what he did? He just smiled and didn't say anything. Was that a good sign, do you think?"

"Well, it was better than pushing you away and running out of your chamber screaming, that is sure…"

"Oh, Gaius, I'm serious! Come on, it was important to me. Now, what do I do?"

"Exactly what you are doing. If anything is to come of it, it will. If nothing comes of it, then at least Merlin's heart won't be broken."

"But, hasn't he even given you an tiny idea of how he feels about me?"

"Yes, he says that you are a good master and he is quite happy working for you. You can sometimes forget that he isn't as strong as you think he is and that your armour is burdensome and awkward…you are messy, can't look after your own clothes…" Gaius paused and smiled adding, "Yet, he thinks you are very handsome and he is absolutely over the moon in love with you!"

Arthur's face lit up, "Gaius, really?"

"No, Arthur, not really!"

"Nothing else that you can think of without making it up?"

Gaius leant over and patted Arthur's hand and said, "Not at the moment…"

"Well, Gaius, I think he does like me and I'm going to wait until he says so."

"Good move, Arthur, I'm sure that there must be telltale clues if you look carefully."

"Then, I'd better get upstairs so that I can check on him…" He turned as he got to the door, "Thanks for your help Gaius!"

Gaius stood up and made his way to his work bench to liberate his recent acquisition and smiled, "They deserve each other." He laughed to himself, "They honestly do…"


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9 : FROM YOU, I GET OPINION**

Arthur woke as Merlin slammed the window which he had left open a crack during the night. "Well, you'll be happy to know that it has turned cold."

Arthur rolled over and peered at Merlin through blurry eyes, "Is that snow on the roof over there?"

"No, it's a heavy frost but the sun will take care of that. Your breakfast is on the table and the water is heating for you." He held out Arthur's dressing robe and he slipped into it, then his house shoes and sat at the table.

Merlin added some logs to the fire, while Arthur ate. He had managed to grab a roll in the kitchen but the eggs and cheese looked very appetising. Arthur always allowed him to pick at whatever he left but Merlin knew that too often Arthur was in a hurry and he had no time.

"Do we have to go hunting today?"

"Merlin, will you ever look forward to spending a day with me in the woods?" Arthur swallowed nervously; he was becoming a little braver.

"Arthur, if it were just us with no crossbows and knives, I'd like it but there will be knights, huntsmen and hangers on. They intend to bring meat back for the winter. I don't like hunting."

"Fine, you stay here and I'll go by myself."

Merlin started to giggle. "Arthur, you couldn't survive by yourself on a hunt. You _need_ me..."

'If you only knew, Merlin!' Arthur breathed a sigh of relief when he realised he had actually managed to say it to himself. Instead, he said aloud, "I can survive; I survived until I was nearly twenty without you."

Merlin burst out laughing, "Yes, but did you have fun?" Suddenly, he saw the intense look in Arthur's face and cringed. He quickly turned away, calling over his shoulder, "Very well, I'll go with you this time."

Arthur looked at him but said nothing. He didn't know if what Merlin had said was a slip of his tongue or just a smart retort. He hoped it was the former.

Getting dressed was a little uncomfortable neither of them wanted to unnecessarily embarrass the other. Arthur looked downcast and Merlin's heart went out to him so he said quietly. "There, you look perfect. Hopefully, you'll catch a deer's eye and it will stand mesmerised and you'll be able to shoot it!"

Arthur looked up at him and smiled and Merlin saw desire in his eyes. He was too scared to respond verbally so just gave him a tiny smile.

-0-O-0-

Soon, they were all mounted and ready to go. It would be at least a two day outing and they would spend night one in the hunting lodge at Pluck's Gutter. The area was named after a ditch which needed plenty of courage to negotiate. It was a vertical drop which necessitated a slide down, a leap across the stream and a frantic scramble to get up the other side. There were many interesting tales of knights sitting on their derrieres in the stream as their horses had reached the top only to look down at them.

Arthur always felt that it was a ditch to separate the men from the boys! He'd done it first as a nine year old with his riding master yelling, "Lean back but keep contact with your thighs. Let the horse do the work, it knows better than you what it's doing. Then, lean forward and hang onto its mane."

He'd arrived in one piece at the top of the far side to a resounding cheer from the other adults in the group. One of who was the king who had nodded graciously when one of the senior knights had said, "Sire, he is a chip off the old block!"

Merlin was glad that because of the frost and slippery ground, they had continued on to a ford which was less of a challenge but much more welcoming.

The lodge came into view; it was nothing out of the ordinary but could easily sleep twenty men. Merlin after seeing Arthur settled by the fire which Sir Roger was building, returned to collect their bedrolls. He was acting solely as Arthur's manservant as there was another kitchen servant who would be responsible for the cooking.

It was still light so Arthur took his crossbow and decided to scout around to see if there were any suitable animal tracks. Merlin followed him regretfully leaving the warmth of the lodge. Arthur stopped at a downed tree and put his foot on it and froze listening carefully. Merlin shuffled forward to catch up to him and Arthur turned with an annoyed look on his face and then he levelled his bow at Merlin and glared at him. Merlin froze. Here he had thought that Arthur liked him and he was going to kill him in cold blood. The bolt whistled by his ear and Arthur raised his arm in a gesture of success. Merlin heard a thrashing to his left and another knight unsheathed his knife and stepped forward to finish off the deer.

Arthur walked over to Merlin who was a white as a ghost and shaking, "Sorry, I couldn't say anything as it would have bounded away. Are you all right?"

He nodded managing to say, "Yes!" His heart was beating in his ears, and he was sure that he'd wet himself. "Arthur, please don't do that again. I thought you were going to kill me for making noise."

Arthur stepped forward and put his arm across his servant's shoulders and said just loud enough for him to hear, "Merlin, that is one thing about which you have no worries, I would never hurt you…"

Leon came up and said, "Is he alright? Arthur, that was a foolhardy thing to do, you could have got him if he had moved."

Standing behind him, Gawaine said, "I had every confidence that not only would you make the shot but that your little Merlin would be fine."

Arthur glared at him as Gawaine wrapped his arms around the still trembling servant saying out loud, "We'll all be interested, Merlin, in seeing how you pay him back!"

"Gawaine, as you have nothing better to do go back to the lodge and tell the huntsmen, I made a kill and they need to come and field dress it."

A subdued Gawaine winked at Merlin and turning to Arthur said seriously, "Yes, Sire!"

-0-O-0-

Everyone was now back in the lodge. Arthur kept glancing at Merlin who was quiet but no longer shuddering. He blamed himself for his stupidity, he hadn't thought of an accident happening. He had seen the deer when he had turned to tell Merlin to keep quiet and the crossbow had come up and he had shot without thinking. He was trained to make split minute decisions; he was in hunting mode, so he had.

They all sat around after the meal and the conversation turned to harrowing experiences in the hunting field and listening to some of the stories, Merlin began to relax. Finally, Arthur called it a day reminding them that tomorrow they would be up early to continue hunting.

Merlin placed Arthur's bedroll close to the fire with the other knights and then went to sleep with the other household members near the wall. Arthur suddenly felt that after what had happened today, he would have preferred to have had Merlin sleeping nearer to him. Lulled by the crackling fire and the snores of others, Arthur fell asleep.

_His arm came up and he looked Merlin in the eye and aimed the bolt for his heart. That would stop him from associating with a certain other knight._

_Merlin had clutched his fingers around the bolt which was protruding from his chest and had taken a step forward and said, "I loved you...I always loved you! Why, Arthur?"_

Arthur woke with a jolt. Gawaine glanced over and said, "Everything all right?"

"Yes, I think it was just a spasm in my back…"

"Good night, then. We've made a good start let's hope tomorrow is as successful."

Arthur put his head back down. He was afraid of dreaming so he decided to stay awake…but he couldn't.

-0-O-0-

Arthur woke when the first men started moving around. He remembered something but it was just beyond the reaches of his mind. He shook his head if it were important, he'd remember later in the day.

He sat up and stretched. Merlin appeared at his side, asking about breakfast. Arthur nodded but said he needed to go outside first. He returned shivering. "It's bloody cold out there."

Merlin nodded, "Don't know how many deer are going to be around. If they had any sense, they'd stay in their beds until noon."

"…and we'd all go hungry this winter."

"No, you could wait until it was warmer and then we could continue hunting. I remember that I had…"

"Merlin…"

"Yes! I know, shut up!"

Arthur grinned and looked him in the eye before he turned to get breakfast and the dream returned. His head dropped as he shook it. He thought, 'No, don't let it become one of those recurring thoughts.'

They had probably not been out for four hours when little wisps of snow started to blow around. They had already got two more deer, one a twelve pointer and one group of knights had taken off after a boar. Arthur decided to divide the remaining group and sweep the area for any other game.

He had a support group of two knights and huntsmen. They found good sized tracks and circled a copse. Suddenly, a deer bounded out and one of the huntsmen brought it down. The group was pleased with their success and Arthur recognised the skill of the huntsman making everyone satisfied with their afternoon's effort.

Leaving them to dress and drag the carcase to the main trail so it could be collected with a packhorse, Arthur decided to set off alone with Merlin telling everyone that he was going to make one last sweep of the area before joining them back at the lodge.

Merlin followed him mumbling to himself.

"What's wrong?"

My feet are cold."

"For heaven's sake Merlin you've lived here all your life, you should be used to the cold by now. Dress properly!"

"But I didn't know it was going to snow when we left yesterday and anyway, Arthur, I'm not made of money, like you are…and I don't like the snow and it's blowing in my face."

Arthur smiled, he would have loved to have given him a big hug as Gawaine had yesterday, but he was a little shy as the only person he ever hugged was Gaius and to tell the truth, he was frightened of touching Merlin. "When we get home, I am going to have proper winter boots made for you, so you can tromp after me forever…without complaining."

Merlin smiled to himself and thought, the idea of forever, almost made his feet feel warm.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10 : SNOW INTERFERETH**

Snow this early in the season was annoying to say the least. It was heavy but small flaked. The wind swirled it around and cut visibility drastically. Merlin knew as they were trudging up a treed slope that leaving the others hadn't been such a great idea. Arthur of course went first and every time he knocked a branch, Merlin felt as if the heavens had opened up triple time.

It was the opposite of a bright sunny day when the snow lay on the ground and decorated everything as in childhood wonder, giving tree stumps marshmallow hats and fir trees skirts. It was grey, foggy and freezing cold. Merlin was actually getting worried about finding accommodation for the night which was bound to come regardless of how far Arthur wished to travel.

"Arthur, maybe we should start to go back or at least look around for somewhere to hole up. It's not too early to call it a day."

"You know, Merlin, you are one of the most pessimistic beings I've ever known. This is just an inconvenience not the end of the world."

"It will be if no one finds our bodies until the spring!" He said sarcastically which earned him a cuff across the head. He smiled, he was now able to read those cuffs and that one could be translated as 'I wish I'd thought of saying that'.

Arthur turned and smiled at him. Merlin's heart did its usually up-tempo beat and he grinned back. Since the summer, Arthur and he had an understanding, that a smile meant that everything was copasetic. Merlin laughed remembering how long it was before Arthur could remember the word. He's tried everything from operatic to copulate to capacious before he had finally got it straight and then Merlin had to put up with a week of hearing it used at least a dozen times a day.

There still was that other smile but Merlin no longer found it threatening. He saw it as representing friendliness. Although he had never really encouraged it, it no longer upset him and he didn't pull away. He'd even seen one of the knights use it when his little son, a page had been credited for good service. It was a softening of the eyes, the face relaxed and a smile gently spread across the face. Merlin realised it represented love.

But there were so many kinds of love that he just smiled back gently. As if saying, 'Yes, Arthur I like you too.' It was not frightening as he knew that Arthur would never hurt him and he seemed quite happy to receive an acknowledging smile.

Merlin however had reached another stage in his life. He was able to understand the feelings he had. Not that he had done anything to reinforce them but they no longer worried him and he just went about his way, secure that he felt safe and happy with Arthur.

Not now however, as the weather and footing were getting worse. "Arthur, this seems to be a more level path, let's follow it." And follow it they did but it petered out when it reached a grazing area and a ruin of some building or other.

"Well, I'm not sheltering here, look at it, the roof could come down if a bird landed on it and I hazard to guess who the last inhabitants were. Anyway, I wouldn't be able to stand upright."

"Arthur, if you are sleeping you won't be upright, will you?"

No answer, so Merlin put his head down and followed his lord and master.

So, on they trudged but finally faced by cliffs and a river, Arthur agreed to backtrack to the ruin. Merlin was impressed as backtracking was another word which wasn't in Arthur's vocabulary. He would have been quite at home in the 'Westward Ho' era.

Merlin scouted around and collected comparatively dry, branches that were under fir trees. They'd need a fire as he could no longer feel his toes and his clothes and bedroll were snow covered.

Arthur had climbed over small boulders which had obviously years ago formed a wall, and said, "It's dry in here. Someone must have stayed here as there are the remains of a fire pit. We could stay unless you want to retrace our steps further."

The snow was still very heavy and building up quickly. None of the lazy large flakes to which they were more accustomed. The man in charge decided, "We'll call it a day."

Merlin came in his arms full of fir boughs which he threw into a corner.

"Hey! The fire pit is here," said Arthur pointing to the darkened area of earth.

"Well, I intend to lie in comfort on something soft. You make them into a bed and I'll start a fire."

Arthur was hopeless with fires; the air was blue before he ever got a spark. He therefore, didn't offer anymore. He came back with a handful of dry grasses which he'd found near the entrance to the ruin. It caught quickly and Merlin felt a little better having not only light but hopefully some heat in the near future.

He turned to see how Arthur had made out with the bed. He'd done a good job but Merlin would have preferred something less high but wider. Arthur looked up and Merlin smiled, "Good job, you could go into the rustic furniture business. Actually, when you become king, if you should find it not to your liking, you could consider trekking as an alternate career. 'Arthur's Albion Adventures' has a nice ring to it. Doesn't it?"

"Merlin, you just can't decide not to be a king. It's a royal honour, a responsibility from birth. I have been tutored and trained for it since infancy."

"Oh," said Merlin smiling, "That explains what's wrong with you!" As he was talking he opened up his bed roll, giving it a good shake before placing it close to the fire doing the same with Arthur's. "One thing about this snow it seems dry, look you can just brush it off," he gave himself a shake and brushed off all the areas that he could reach.

"I thought the fir boughs were like a bed to keep us off the ground."

"They will but by the time we're ready to turn in our bedrolls will be nice and warm. It's not going to get any warmer overnight so we need to take precautions. We don't want to get frostbitten pieces, do we?"

Arthur raised his eyebrows in a knowing way and Merlin laughed. "No, not exactly what I had in mind but you never know. Stranger things have happened. I remember seeing a man in my village whose toes swelled up and turned black because he had been drinking, slipped into a stream and his feet were frozen in the ice the next morning."

"Merlin, you're making it up!"

"I'm not. I helped hang onto him when they tried to pull his boots off and some weeks later my mother had to cut off his toes as they were technically dead and rotting."

That shut Arthur up but he scooted forward so that his feet were a little closer to the fire.

Merlin searched in his knapsack and found bread, dried pork strips and four small apples. "Sorry, it won't be a culinary masterpiece but it will get us through the night." He took the apples carefully running them through with his knife, then spearing them on an elm branch, to toast them over the fire until the skins were crisp. "Not exactly stewed apple but maybe if you close your eyes, it will taste better."

Arthur tried one careful not to burn his mouth and finally said, "You know, Merlin, of all the concoctions you have made while we have been sleeping rough, this is maybe my favourite."

"Or maybe, it's the company?" Merlin froze, why in heaven's name had he said that? It had just popped into his head and slipped out. He'd been so careful over the last couple of weeks that he hadn't said fooling, something which he might later regret. He dropped his head mortified knowing full well that by Arthur's sigh, he could hazard which smile now adorned his face.

But a strange thought flashed through his mind, did he regret saying it? It was the truth but something which he hadn't thought that he was yet ready to reveal. He did like Arthur in 'that way'. He'd even acknowledged it to Gaius but he hadn't realised until this very moment that he had wanted to let Arthur know…well not yet.

He stood up all business like and said, "I'll clear up here and bank up the fire, you lie out the bedrolls."

Side by side, the bedrolls almost fitted on the pine bough bed. Merlin pulled a few of the boughs out a little further so that he would feel more comfortable not encroaching on Arthur. Arthur lay down and Merlin glanced at him. He looked quite comfortable, "Are you all right?"

"Yes! …and you?"

"It's a great bed, Arthur, it's dry and warm."

"Do you think that we will have any visitors over night?"

"Maybe a few mice but I doubt it, as most animals will be curled up nice and warm in their own beds."

"Like us?"

"Yes, Arthur like us…" with those words Merlin rolled onto his side away from Arthur and settled to sleep.

Arthur lay on his back, thinking. Lying here in this little ruin, in the middle of a storm wasn't too bad but he realised that it was not the lack of snow and the warm fire which affected his thoughts it was after all, what Merlin had said earlier, about it being the company.

-0-O-0-

Arthur woke up later conscious of something close to him. He lay perfectly still trying to figure out what is was. Then, he heard the gentle breathing and realised it was Merlin. He must have turned during his sleep and now he was stretched out against him from his feet to his chest. He realised that his head was tucked into him near his armpit, so he gradually moved his arm so that he could shield him from the cold. As his arm encircled him, Merlin sighed and shifted slightly closer to him. In the dark, Arthur allowed a smile of satisfaction to creep across his face and was then shocked to feel quite emotional. Merlin had sought him out… true it was probably because of the cold but it showed common ground or at least he hoped it did.

He angled his head slightly so that it touched Merlin's and fell asleep…


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11 : …AND THE HUNTER HOME FROM THE** **HILL**

When Arthur next woke, there was a weight on his chest and a quivering feeling which finally brought him to his senses. He lay still trying to figure out what it was. He closed his eyes he could still feel Merlin beside him. Well, more like, almost on top of him! Somehow he had managed to roll on his side and put a leg over Arthur's knees.

Arthur then put two and two together and figured that the weight was Merlin's arm across him and that he must have been dreaming and twitching his fingers. Arthur went to get hold of his hand but couldn't find it and then realised that somehow Merlin had slipped his hand up his tunic. He smiled thinking of the blush on Merlin's face should he now wake up and find himself in this inappropriate position with a crown prince.

He carefully slid his own hand to cover it but Merlin shifted and his hand started to slip down his chest. Arthur froze. He didn't want to wake Merlin, he was enjoying the sensations the hand was causing. He held his breath. Merlin's hand, reached the laces on his trousers and stopped.

Arthur slowly exhaled and at that moment, Merlin's hand appeared on his chest. Arthur put his own hand over it and Merlin seemed to exhale and slid his fingers through Arthur's. Arthur was thrilled Merlin was holding his hand, true he was asleep …but he was holding his hand. Merlin moaned and stretched pulling Arthur's hand under his chin but not before touching in to his lips for the briefest possible kiss.

Feeling more secure, Arthur tipped his chin and kissed the top of Merlin's head and whispered ever so softly, "Merlin, My Love!" If he could have seen Merlin's face, he would have noticed the satisfied grin he gave. Arthur lay still, day dreaming for what seemed like minutes but in reality was nearer an hour

Merlin stretched, he moved his leg and released his clasp on Arthur's hand. Arthur had only one more chance to kiss his head before he became the lanky creature he always was and practically wiped Arthur out as he stretched his arms above his head.

Without opening his eyes, he said, "Arthur, I slept so well. I was warm and relaxed and had nice dreams."

"Of what…?"

Merlin eyes shot open and he propped himself on his elbows, "What are you doing so close?"

"Well, Merlin, if you rightly remember we made a pine bough bed and shared it. "You just said that you slept well."

"I did but…Arthur I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sleep almost on your bedroll. Please don't dismiss me and get another servant. I won't do it again…" Merlin smiled inwardly, he had taken matters into his own hands, he'd waited long enough, now the ball was in Arthur's court!

Arthur tried to control the urge to say, 'Please, Merlin, I would love you to always sleep with me on my bedroll.' But he refrained and said kindly, "Merlin, we kept each other warm, it's all right. But now I'm cold so let's get going…"

Suddenly they were conscious of voices, calling, "Sire…? Arthur…? Merlin…?" They looked at each other and Merlin blushed. He jumped up straightening his clothes as he made his way to the front of the ruin and yelled, "Over here!"

Leon, Gawaine and Roger came across the clearing. Gawaine grabbed Merlin and hugged him while Leon said, "We were so scared when you didn't return last night. We left early this morning and followed you from the copse. Luckily the snow had stopped and we could see your trail."

Gawaine said cheekily to Arthur, "I wasn't scared as I knew that Merlin would have looked after you."

Arthur didn't deign to reply.

Leon said, "This is a great little hideaway. You were safe and warm here. We should mark places like this on our maps in case we get caught out."

Merlin glanced around and noticed that Arthur had moved his bedroll off the bough bed and onto the ground near the fire. Luckily, no one noticed his blush. He made a show of getting Arthur's bedroll and folding it carefully; he placed it near his feet and then walked over to pick up his which he shook before rolling it up. He was too scared to glance at Arthur. He swung both bedrolls on his back and followed the others across the clearing on his way back to the lodge.

"Did anyone get anything else, after we split up yesterday?" Arthur asked.

"No, everyone sort of drifted back to the lodge to get dry, keep warm and sleep. They have all taken off again today but have moved further east and, if you agree, we will spend tonight back at the lodge and leave early tomorrow morning. One laden packhorse is already on its way back to Camelot."

"Sounds great, Leon, thanks for taking over." He looked over his shoulder at the others, Gawaine was bringing up the rear and Merlin was chatting with Roger. "Come on, Men, we've got a full days hunting to get in."

Everyone strode out but Arthur distinctly heard Merlin moan. "I heard that, Merlin, look lively or you'll be sleeping alone tonight." He grinned to himself imagining the blush that was probably spreading across Merlin's cheeks and hoped that Gawaine didn't noticed.

-0-O-0-

As they reached the lodge, there were already two field dressed deer strung up in a tree and taking the place of honour was a nice sized boar.

Arthur smiled, "Somebody's been busy!"

The senior huntsman stepped forward saying, "Sire, Bill and Tom got the boar and Sirs Matthew and Claude got the deer. It's been a successful hunt so far."

Someone thrust a cup of hot broth into Arthur's hands and he enjoyed the warmth on his leather gauntlets. "Make sure the others get some as well. And, don't forget Merlin."

Soon the recently returned were sitting around a blazing fire in the hearth, sipping the beef broth. Roger said, "What did you eat last night?"

Arthur looked up and said, "Merlin cooked…Where is he?"

"Over there?"

Arthur looked and Merlin was sitting on a bench near the door. "Don't be silly, come over here and sit with us, you're as cold as we are." Gawaine moved over and Merlin slipped in between him and Leon.

Preferring that Merlin would have sat next to him, Arthur said, "Tell them about the apples, Merlin. They were really good and if we could find some around here, you could cook them for everyone."

"Maybe, he doesn't want to have to cook…" argued Gawaine.

Arthur retorted, "He does and when you taste them, you'll know why!"

Merlin smiled, any praise from Arthur's lips went straight to his head. He felt like standing up and shouting what Arthur had whispered to him last night but he refrained and instead smiled, saying. "That's true, if you can get me some apples, I can roast them."

"All rights, let's get back to hunting and if anyone sees an apple tree, pick what is on it. Why should we be deprived of such a treat?"

Merlin had slipped off his boots and steam was rising from his socks which he wrung out before laying them on the hearth. He wiggled his toes in the warmth and closed his eyes. Arthur had noticed and said, "Merlin, I want you stay here. Your boots are wet through and I can manage with Leon and Gawaine. First thing when we get back is to see about boots for you. Put them on the hearth, they might be dry by tomorrow and by then we'll be riding not walking."

"But, Arthur, I should be with you..."

"No, get some rest and keep warm, we're all better dressed than you." So saying, Arthur motioned to the knights who stood up and left.

One of the grooms brought over his blanket and told Merlin to take off his jacket and hang it over the chair near the fire and to wrap himself up to keep warm.

Merlin smiled at the man and slipped out of his jacket and was soon wrapped up in front of the fire. In no time, he was lying down, fast asleep.

_He could hear Arthur whispering his name and feel his lips on his head. He gave himself up completely and lay wrapped in his arms on the royal bed. He decided that Arthur must be a pretty good kisser and then he remembered that he'd never been kissed on the lips so he wasn't too sure if he was or not._

_Snuggling into Arthur, he realised he could feel skin on skin and was surprised as he was sure that Arthur had been wearing chain mail._ _He was warm and with a special person and he wanted to stay like this forever._

_He tried to stay still but he couldn't and he realised he was no longer on a bed but being dragged over hot stones. His feet were hot and heard a voice. 'How dare you be in love with my son! Burn him!'_

_Merlin tried to get away but he realised he was tied up. His feet were burning as he tried to dance out of the way._

"Merlin, wake up! If you roll around any more, you'll be in the fire." Slowly he opened his eyes and Gawaine was smiling at him. He had his hands under his armpits and he was pulling him away from the hearth. "Good thing I came in, someone put more logs on the fire and the flames blazed up and you were almost toasted."

Arthur walked in at that moment and his eyes glared at the sight of Gawaine holding Merlin. "Let go of him!" There was silence.

Gawaine looked up and saw the displeased prince, "If you had come in first, you could have pulled him out of the way. Feel the blanket it's scorched, if I hadn't grabbed him it could have burned him."

"Merlin, what were you doing?"

Merlin looked at Arthur and his eyes flicked to his lips and he wanted to say, 'Kissing you!' But instead, he mumbled that he had been cold and had been lying down in front of the fire, fallen asleep and was running away in a dream and had nearly been burnt.

Arthur nodded at Gawaine, "I guess that I owe you an apology and thanks." He knelt down and said, "Merlin, you need someone to keep an eye on you…"

Merlin looked him in the eye and whispered cheekily, "But Arthur, I have you and the knights!" Arthur hauled him up laughing, Leon handed him his socks which were now dry and everyone relieved started talking again.


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12 : MORNING HAS BROKEN**

Supper was delicious and plentiful. The man doing the cooking had taken some venison from yesterday and had roasted it on a spit, serving it with bread, boiled cabbage and ale. Soon people were getting drowsy and wandering around finding somewhere to lay out their bedrolls.

Merlin walked over to the fire with Arthur's and laid it out next to Leon's. Arthur said, "…and where are you going to sleep tonight?" Merlin shrugged his shoulders and motioned over to the far wall with the rest of the servants. "No, you're not! Leon and I might need something during the night." He looked at Leon who nodded, while Gawaine lying on the other side of Arthur hid his grin. "Get your bedroll and lie next to the wall over here."

Merlin did as he was told. He would have preferred to have lain between Arthur and Gawaine but that would never happen. So he moved to the warmer side of the room and lay down where he could still see Arthur and the fire and hear the crackling of the logs.

Arthur was satisfied. He knew exactly where Merlin was. He didn't want him anywhere near Gawaine. Not, that he didn't trust either of them, but he would have had to stay awake all night in case Merlin rolled over and ended up snuggling into him. He thought, 'How have I become so possessive in such a short time?' and then he thought of Merlin's trusting nature and his wandering hand and he knew exactly why… He smiled to himself and let sleep claim him.

It seemed only minutes and someone was calling his name. He recognised the voice and went to move closer so he could snuggle with him. Then, his eyes shot open as he realised that he was inches away from snuggling with Gawaine, who was thankfully still asleep.

"Arthur, get up, it is beautiful outside. It's cold but there must have been more snow and it's sparkling like diamonds." He leant over and took Arthur's hand to pull him up and Arthur remembered Merlin's fingers entwined in his and although he would much rather have stayed in front of the fire, the look on his manservant's face convinced him that he should go and see whatever it was that was so fascinating.

They weren't the only people remarking on the snow. It was light and it flew easily in the air and when it resettling the sun would catch certain flakes and make them sparkle. Arthur pulled Merlin after him and they went further away from the lodge and stood on a little rise which looked over a valley.

Putting his hands on Merlin's shoulders, he turned him to face him and saw the look of pure delight on his face. He smiled at him and backed him against a tree and carefully leant closer into him until he could place a soft kiss on his lips. He felt Merlin hesitantly respond before pulling back. His eyes opened wide and there was a hint of a smile on those same lips. "What was that for?"

"For sharing your beautiful morning with me, I've never seen snow like this." Arthur reached out and took a pinch of snow from the tree and placed it on Merlin's lips. Merlin laughed and like a cat daintily licked it away. He leant into Arthur and gave him a kiss in return, slightly longer but no less gentle.

"What was that for?"

"Because you are you! And...Arthur, I've been waiting so long!"

Arthur gave him a hug, a real Gaius-like hug, Merlin smiled thinking, 'I could stand here like this until Spring.'

But Arthur had other ideas saying, "Merlin, I'm hungry and we'll be missed. I'll see you back at the lodge." …and Arthur went off to find a tree.

Merlin smiled to himself and walked back to the lodge, stopping to check the traps he'd set for rabbits the evening before. He had been lucky and gutting them quickly, he slung them over his shoulder. Gaius was partial to rabbit and he'd appreciate the gift…anyway, Merlin was feeling in an excessively generous mood.

-0-O-0-

Soon everyone was mounted and making there way back to Camelot, they had divided into groups hoping to find more game along the way. The two days hunt had been a success and they were pleased to be returning with another two heavily laden packhorses.

The texture of the snow had changed in the warmth of the day and the diamonds were all gone. The tracks were no longer pristine and in some areas grass was showing through on the banks. This snow wouldn't last until Yuletide but again it was only the beginning of winter and no one, man or beast wanted a winter season to start so early.

The sun picked out the turrets of Camelot in the distance and Merlin smiled to himself. Wait until Gaius heard that he had actually kissed Arthur. He was floating on Cloud Nine until they trooped into the courtyard and the Sergeant-At-Arms notified Arthur that the king wished to see him immediately upon his return. Merlin's heart stopped but they were the first group home so it could have nothing to do with the two of them.

Arthur walked up the stairs with Leon, telling Merlin to see to his things and to wait for him in his chamber. Merlin continued upstairs and dropped his knapsack and the rabbits in the antechamber, adding wood to the fire which had already been lit. He pulled the big kettle in the water closet over the little fire lighting it. Arthur would want to freshen up when he returned and he guessed that he would be eating with the king.

His feet were still cold so he changed his boots for shoes and sat in front of the fire to get his feet warm. He now had a roaring fire going and the room felt warm. He suddenly remembered the rabbits and went to the end of the corridor telling the guard to send a page to the prince's chambers. He wrote a few words and sent both down to Gaius with his regards, telling him that if time permitted he'd see him before he turned in.

He heard the outer door open and got up, Arthur walked in, his face furious, "I go away for three days and the place is in an uproar. My father has suspicions that one of his knights and a senior squire are, to put it not so delicately, 'at it'. He is seeing red but I convinced him to let me talk to the knight, maybe whatever was seen was innocent. Why now?"

Merlin said, "I'm sure you will be able to get it straightened out."

"…and if not? Merlin…you do know what the punishment is!"

Merlin nodded with downcast eyes. Arthur brushed by him to sit in front of the fire. "I'll see him tomorrow; he's in the dungeons as is the squire Galen. No one has spoken to either of them yet, he just sent them straight to the dungeons…I have a feeling he was waiting for me… One good thing is that I won't have to eat with him, so it'll be just the usual group of knights. Maybe some of them can shed light on the subject. I know there is something I'd heard about the squire but I can't remember."

"Well, there's hot water available for you and I'll lay out something for you to wear tonight."

"Have you given Gaius the rabbits yet?"

"I send them down with a page."

"Do me a favour, go down to see him and ask him if there is anything special about Galen. Maybe he'll know, I remember that he was quite sick at one time but nothing else."

-0-O-0-

Merlin left and took off downstairs. As he opened Gaius's door, a voice said, "Yes?"

"It's me, did the rabbits arrive safely?" Then he realised that Gaius already had one on the spit roasting it over his fire.

"So, was it a good hunt? You look in fine spirits for someone having battled snow for the last two days."

"Gaius it was wonderful, we brought back a lot of game and…I shared a pine bough bed with Arthur and I pretended to be asleep and he called me 'Merlin, My Love'…then this morning while we were enjoying the diamond snow, he kissed me on my lips."

Gaius smiled, love certainly made a person look special and Merlin who was certainly handsome on an ordinary day looked almost ethereal. He nodded.

Merlin continued almost breathlessly, "Gaius, I also kissed him and then he hugged me, a real hug not one of his stiff ones that he gives the knights. His arms were around me and he held me close to him."

"And where is Arthur now? He gave you time off to tell me this earth breaking news?"

Suddenly, Merlin became serious, "No, actually there is trouble and Arthur wanted me to ask you if you know anything about a squire called Galen."

Gaius nodded, "Yes, he was very sick a couple of years back but he picked up and was finally well enough to resume his studies but he was held back a year because he was incapable of doing the physical training. Why?"

Merlin told him as best he could about the king and his suspicions.

Shaking his head, he said, "I think that is highly unlikely. He's already got his eye on Sir Reginald's daughter Gytha and there might even be an understanding for after he is invested. Who is the knight?"

Merlin said, "Sir Bryan of Rugmore."

Gaius started to smile. "He's a close friend of Galen's mother's family. He was the go-between all the time that Galen was so sick. I'm surprised that Uther didn't remember that. Anyway Bryan is a happily married man, are you sure that the names are right?"

"Yes, Arthur says that the two of them are in the dungeons."

Gaius stood up and removed the rabbit from the fire. "Well, supper will have to wait. I'll go and see them right now. I guess neither of them had an opportunity to give their side of the story. Uther really can be dangerous; he won't listen to anyone if he thinks he's uncovered the existence of his most despised transgression."

He turned to Merlin who held the door and said, "Go back to Arthur and remember, forewarned is forearmed. Be careful the two of you. I'll see you tomorrow."


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13 :** **TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING**

When Merlin returned, Arthur was seated by the fire, talking to Sir Claude and Leon. He stopped as Merlin walked in and stood up, saying, "We can go down stairs now."

Leon asked, "So how did the rabbits go over?"

"Gaius already had one on the spit." Arthur looked quizzically and raised his eyebrows so Merlin continued, "He was called away, something to do with a squire…then he had to visit a knight. So he said he'd let me know tomorrow how they were." Arthur nodded slightly.

"Well," continued Leon, "They should be good as they were certainly fresh." He turned to Arthur and said, "What's on our menu tonight, rabbit?"

Arthur shrugged, "Hopefully, some pork! That was a nice sized boar, the huntsman got yesterday. A couple more like that, we'll have plenty to last us till the end of the month."

The three of them walked downstairs chatting about Claude's proposed trip to France. Merlin followed, he had often wondered if the ground in France felt the same as the ground in Camelot. He'd have to check with Claude as he had been born there.

The meal was set up in the small dining hall and about ten knights were present. Squires were everywhere but Merlin served Arthur and also Sir Leon who sat beside him. It was braised pork with root vegetables. Merlin thought, 'Well, at least Arthur would be in a good frame of mind when he returned to their chambers.' He felt a shiver go though him, he wasn't as sure of himself as he had been last night and again this morning. He was keeping an eye on Arthur as he seemed to be drinking heavily.

Gawaine was egging him on but then Gawaine soaked up alcohol like a sponge with no ill effects. Arthur would get tipsy and actually become quite amusing however, if he drank too much he turned quiet and morose. Hoping to avoid that, Merlin only half filled his goblet but he was brought up short by a voice saying, "Eyesight not up to what it used to be Merlin! Save yourself the trouble of returning, fill it to the brim!" So, he filled the goblet three quarters full.

Knights started drifting back to their chambers and Arthur was still drinking. Finally, Gawaine said, "Arthur, Merlin is almost asleep on his feet and he can't leave until you do. Go to bed! I'll see you at training if the field isn't too muddy."

Arthur went to shove himself away from the table so Merlin moved his chair so he could stand more easily. It looked as if it was going to be a 'but, Merlin, I'm feeling great' night but first they had to negotiate the stairs and the corridors with out any mishaps.

Merlin had to laugh as Arthur decided that if he was awake, so everyone else should be and wanted to knock on all the doors in the corridor. Merlin kept him in control until they were on the royal floor and he quite happily tapped on every door in sight. None of the chambers were occupied and at least it kept him moving along. He reached the end of the corridor and then seemed disoriented. Merlin smiled to himself as in banging on doors, he had passed their chamber without going in.

"Where did our door go, Merlin?

"I think we passed it."

"Why didn't you answer the door when I knocked? You're not a very good servant you know…"

Merlin turned him around and guided him to the correct chambers. Once inside he said, "I'm sleeping with you tonight, Merlin…"and headed a little unsteadily to the manservant's room off the antechamber.

"But, Arthur, I think you would be better in your own bed, it's bigger and very comfortable."

"But I want to sleep with you…" Arthur said and pouted like a spoilt child.

"Well, let's go and sit by the fire and discuss this further." Merlin got him into his royal bedchamber and left him sitting by the fire rambling on about ruins, snow and sleeping with someone.

Merlin drew back the covers and laid out Arthur's night attire. He'd be lucky to get him out of his clothes let alone into something else. He knelt before him and got off his boots but it was difficult as Arthur kept stroking his hair and running his hands down his neck. He stood up and eased one arm out of his doublet and by walking around the chair was able to pull the rest of it off with little effort.

When he tried to unlace the top of his tunic, Arthur wanted to hold onto his hands so in the end he gave up. Looking at his trousers, he thought, 'To hell with it! He can sleep in those as well."

Standing up, he stood in front of Arthur, encouraging him to stand as well. After a few tries, they were coordinated enough to accomplish it. Merlin sighed; a few steps to the bed and he would let him sit down and swing his legs…but he was caught off guard as Arthur leant into him and kissed him. Not the gentle kiss of the morning but a more demanding one. It sent shudders through Merlin. He smiled to himself and realised, 'This was kissing…'

Merlin decided that it wasn't at all unpleasant but Arthur was leaning into him too much and he had visions of overbalancing and the two of them crashing into the fireplace. He managed to disengage his lips and said, "Arthur why don't we sit on the bed?" That seemed to do the trick as he was able to manoeuvre him onto the bed.

"Sleep with me…Merlin." Arthur pleaded and although Merlin's head was yelling yes, his mind told him no. Whatever was going to happen would be better if Arthur wasn't drunk.

"Arthur, you have had a lot to drink. I want you to have a large glass of water and lie down for a while."

"With you?"

"Yes…" Merlin lied. He got up to get the water but by the time he had returned, Arthur had slipped onto his side fast asleep, so Merlin just swung his legs onto the bed and tucked the covers loosely around him. He banked the fire and filled the large water kettles for the morning. He then blew out the candles leaving one lit on the stand beside the bed and one in the water closet with the door open should Arthur need to get up during the night.

He turned and looked at him lying there and walking back his pushed the hair off his forehead, placing a little kiss there saying, very quietly. "Goodnight, Arthur Sire, I'll see you in the morning." To be safe, he left the bed chamber door wide open as he did his own little chamber door so that should Arthur need anything, he smiled as he thought, 'Anyone…' he would be able to hear him.

He undressed and slipped between the cold sheets. He realised he missed having a warm body beside him and he fell asleep.

He awoke with a start as a body slipped into bed beside him. He knew there was no use arguing, so he just let the fully clothed Arthur snuggle against him. He loved him, he knew he did and together they would learn all about loving someone besides yourself. He knew he wasn't going to sleep but in no time, to Arthur's regular breathing he felt himself falling asleep.

-0-O-0-

He awoke to Arthur's snoring, each snore punctuated by a soft whistle. He wanted to giggle but he knew that he'd wake him. He could see daylight coming from Arthur's bed chamber so he decided he should try to get up without disturbing Sleeping Beauty whom he knew would have a headache once he opened his eyes. He turned his head and looked at him and his heart melted. He looked so innocent, with not a care in the world, deserving of all the protection which he, Merlin could afford him.

Merlin thought, 'I love you, Arthur, so much but I'm scared that this whole love thing will come tumbling down. I'm scared for you more than I'm scared for myself.' He thought of the prisoners whom Gaius had visited. He had not had a chance to tell Arthur what Gaius had said before they went to supper and afterwards, it would have been breath wasted.

Like a contortionist, he got his feet on the floor and managed to edge his upper body away from Arthur making sure that he put the covers back against him so that the cold empty space wouldn't wake him.

He needn't have worried. Arthur was still fast asleep when Gaius came by much later with a headache remedy having dealt with Sir Claude earlier. Merlin had unlocked and then relocked the door as he let Gaius in and naturally, Gaius had gone into the main bed chamber.

"Has he already left?"

"No, he's still asleep…"

Gaius glanced at the bed and said, "Well, where did you leave him overnight?"

Merlin blushed, "He's in my little chamber. He started out in here but half way through the night he joined me. I didn't invite him, Gaius, but I couldn't turn him away."

Gaius spun on his heel and went to find the prince. Arthur was lying flat out on Merlin's bed, fully clothed and still dead to the world. Gaius started to laugh and covered his mouth, going back into the other chamber. "Merlin, how will you explain this to anyone who comes in to see him."

"I'll just make sure the door is closed so no one will see...!"

"…or think of looking for him in there…" said Gaius with a smile.

Gaius sat by the fire talking quietly to Merlin. He had seen both of the prisoners and assured Galen that he was not in any trouble regardless of what the king had said. Sir Bryan was furious about the whole thing but Gaius assured him that they would be released before the end of the day.

Merlin ears picked up noise from the antechamber and a tousled haired Arthur appeared in the doorway, "Merlin, where did you go?"

"I'm here, Arthur! You have a visitor." The look on Arthur's face was priceless; his obvious first thought had been that it was the king but then when he saw the long grey hair he smiled.

"Gaius, I need your help, I have a headache."

"Not surprising, young man, and why is it that your bed has hardly been slept in?"

Merlin tried to keep a straight face.

Arthur panicked, looking at Merlin and mouthed, "Help!"

…and Gaius laughed.


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14 : IN THE LOOKING GLASS**

Gaius finally left. As Arthur started his late breakfast, he said, "Merlin…was I awful last night?"

Merlin smiled. This was the first time that Arthur had ever enquired about his behaviour even after knights had had to help Merlin get him upstairs and into bed. He said, "Nothing that I couldn't deal with."

"I didn't …"

"No, Arthur, you were a real gentleman, nothing more than a kiss and sneaking into my bed."

Arthur continued eating then said, "I'm sorry…I woke up alone, couldn't find you so I went searching and…when I found you I was happy."

"Well, don't worry," Merlin laughed, "Perhaps, one night when I can't sleep and feel all alone, I'll come looking for you." His heart thudded as he said it.

"Would you, Merlin?" Arthur asked very quietly without raising his eyes. He was too scared to see the denial and refusal in Merlin's eyes.

Merlin felt his heart fluttering at the tone of Arthur's voice. He hadn't minded sharing his bed. Not being able to turn over was a bit of a drawback but the feel of Arthur beside him compensated for the inconvenience. However, it would have made more sense if they had been in Arthur's bed which was much larger. He moved aside the breakfast platter to which Arthur had done justice and waited a while before saying, "When we know the time is right, and you ask me nicely…yes, Arthur…I would share your bed."

Arthur's head snapped up and looking at him. Merlin knew beyond a shade of a doubt that what he had just said was not only the truth but what Arthur had been hoping to hear. He picked up the platter to put it in the antechamber on the sideboard and knew that someone was padding after him. He put it down as he felt Arthur's lips on the back of his neck.

All his senses were on fire. Arthur then turned him slowly and ran his hand up into his hair causing Merlin to lean his head back into it. Continuing to kiss neck, he reached his mouth but bypassed it, settling instead for the tip of his nose and then the bridge between his eyes. Merlin moaned softly and Arthur's lips found his.

What started as a chaste kiss became more demanding. Merlin placed his hands on Arthur's shoulders and then he was weaving his fingers through his hair. They pulled back for a breath and smiled at each other. Arthur ran the pad of his thumb over Merlin's cheek bones and carefully touched his ears. He turned his head so that one was closer and he ran his tongue over the shell. Merlin almost jumped out of his skin. He had never realised that beyond hearing, his ears could bring so much pleasure. He blushed as Arthur whispered, "Merlin, you are lovely."

Arthur let his finger run over Merlin's lips and turned his attention back to them. Merlin realised that Arthur's mouth was becoming more demanding and as he began to respond, there was a knock at the door and Gawaine's voice said, "Open up!"

Merlin jumped out of his skin, he had been miles away. He tried to spring away but Arthur held him to the wall with the weight of his body and whispered sexily, "To be continued…! Now for heaven's sake," he said walking back into the main chamber, "Open the door or that fool will have it down!"

Opening his mouth, Merlin found he had no voice but he managed to almost croak out, "Coming, Gawaine!"

Gawaine bounded in saying, "So, just finishing breakfast, guess that last full goblet of mead did it. Eh, Arthur?"

He glanced at Merlin's heightened complexion and his tousled hair and said, "Did I interrupt something!"

"For, God's sake, Gawaine stop it! Things are bad enough with Uther and the two he has in the dungeons without adding fuel to the fire."

Gawaine said, "Then, I am the bearer of good news. They're out. The king didn't exactly apologise but seems he had forgotten the Sir Bryan and Galen's mother were practically family. Galen had a few questions and Bryan had in answering them, put his arms across his shoulders, tousled his hair and then had given him a longer than normal hug.

"Some sad excuse for a human being reported it to the king who jumped to conclusions and threw them in the dungeon overnight. Gaius, it seems, went to him about an hour ago and straightened the whole mess out. Not that Uther, I…I mean the king, thinks he has done anything wrong. Galen was quite upset even though I guess he was treated kindly by the guards and Bryan is ready to take on anyone who looks at him sideways."

Merlin was glad that Gaius had got it straightened out now Arthur wouldn't be drawn into it. He felt uncomfortable and thought, 'Is this, what Arthur and I are going to face everyday of their lives?'

-0-O-0-

Arthur was notified mid afternoon that his father wished him to dine in his private chambers. He nodded at the squire and turned to Merlin. "I thought that maybe I would have got out of that. Gaius and Leon are also going to be present so you had better come to help Killian. Damn! I was looking forward to dining downstairs."

"You can't blame him Arthur, he hasn't seen you since before we went hunting. He probably missed you!"

"Very funny! Put out something suitable for me to wear and then we're going to look at those chests of clothes which I told you about. I'm serious about having you in warmer clothes this winter. Did you know that last year fifteen deaths could be attributed to the freezing weather and sadly, more than a half of those were children under five?"

"At home, when it was very cold, we didn't go out unless it was absolutely necessary. We would huddle around the fire in someone's cottage and hope that we had enough firewood to get through the cold snap. One year it was so cold that we lost most of our chickens. Life is hard in the country…"

"I remember one year when it was so cold, that we only kept some rooms open and I had to sleep in my father's chambers with Killian and my nursemaid. It was then that I had wished I had had lots of brothers as Gaius told me that they had double up all the pages to try to keep them warm at night. If it happened now, I wouldn't mind," he dropped his head and then smiled as he looked up, "Because I'd have you to cuddle with."

"But do you think that the king would allow me to share your bed if you had to sleep in his chambers?"

Arthur grabbed Merlin as he walked past him and pulled him on this lap. He wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. "For that comment you are now held captive, and the toll you have to pay to get released is a…."

"…. kiss?" Merlin turned his head and sought out Arthur's lips, teasing him and allowing Arthur to lead the way. Breaking the kiss to breathe, Arthur rubbed his finger along Merlin's lips and as he went to say something, took advantage and kissed him deeply. Merlin soon retaliated and when they broke apart each one was smiling.

"Do I get released now? I'd like to put more logs on the fire and check to see if the water is hot enough."

Arthur gave him a little peck and opened his arms and Merlin gave him a hug before standing up and walking away.

"Hurry up, as I still want to look into those chests before supper."

-0-O-0-

Searching the chest turned into a couple of hours of Arthur's telling tales of when he had worn the various outfits. He couldn't see his wearing any of them but Arthur was having a great time and possibly there were a few which would be suitable for Merlin especially a couple of quilted long sleeved doublets and a heavy winter cloak.

The room was freezing but Arthur insisted that Merlin try on a couple of tops using a mirror which had long been due for a good dusting. "But I can hardly see anything…" Merlin complained.

"Well, I can see you and that is the main point. Here, slip on these trousers and we'll see how much lengthening is needed."

"Arthur, I can't change here, there's no screen."

"Merlin for heaven's sake, you're wasting time arguing when you could have been in and out of them. Stand still, I'll help you!"

"Arthur, don't! Don't touch me!"

Arthur laughed but then realised that the blushing person in front of him was serious; he suddenly became contrite and stood back. "I'm sorry! Merlin, I wasn't going to do anything. Just help you…"

Merlin regained his composure saying, "Arthur, I will change but no looking."

Arthur turned away, closing his eyes. He was conscious of someone getting dressed, and knew that Merlin true to his word was changing. The desire to spin around was so strong that he gripped the back of a nearby chair.

"Ready! You can look now."

Arthur turned and a completely different Merlin stood before him. He thought, 'The new clothes only accentuate what is perfect.' He smiled and said quietly, "Merlin, how I am ever going to keep my hands off you?"

Merlin dropped his head, blushed and took a step towards the mirror, ignoring the comment, "They will have to be lengthened and maybe taken in a little. Even the doublet fits. Everything feels so warm and luxurious."

"Try on the navy trousers."

"Remember!" said Merlin looking him in the eye.

Arthur obediently turned away and Merlin proceeded to slip out of one pair or pants into another. Arthur opened his eyes and looked straight ahead, only to realise that he had a perfect view of Merlin in the mirror. His heart quickened and his body seemed to take control. He smiled to himself. There was only really one word for it, Merlin, clothed or unclothed was beautiful…

"How do these look?" said Merlin after a little while.

Arthur turned to look at him and Merlin caught the look on his face and said, "I have an uncomfortable feeling that you are looking at more than the clothes." He shook his head at him saying, "It was fun trying them on but I can't borrow or wear them. They're for someone far above my station in life."

"Then you'll wear them when it's just the two of us. But think about it, Killian dresses to match his position as a royal manservant and you should do likewise."

Merlin was silent for a moment then said, "Well, maybe the heavier doublet and the cloak."

"…and those fabulous trousers!"

Merlin turned and smiled.


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15 : A CHILD REBUFFED**

Merlin was getting used to wearing warmer clothes. He really was conscious of them when he was outside. It was almost a pleasure to track behind Arthur though the woods. True to his word, Arthur had bought him another pair of boots. He was so impressed as they were proper winter boots with sheepskin inside. Arthur had laughed as he had worn them continually since he had given them to him and only taken them off, to sleep.

"You'll need them tomorrow as we're going on the king's orders to Underhill."

Merlin knew of the Underhill area, it was very rough for the horses and riddled with caves and underground rivers.

He liked it there but a trip at this time of year wasn't to his liking. "It'll be a hell of a journey. What is so important?"

"A man of interest to the king is rumoured to be in the area. We will ride there, apprehend him, send him back with some guards and then return. Might be able to manage a few days hunting on the way back," Merlin sighed causing Arthur to say, "But now you have warm clothes it will be great…"

As he walked past Arthur he leant forward and tousled his hair. "Wishful thinking on your behalf, Arthur. I'd be quite happy holing up here until spring comes."

"Merlin, you're a wuss!"

"Yes, but do you love me anyway? That Arthur is the question."

Arthur caught his arm and pulled him down beside him. "One night, you Merlin are going to let me show you just how much I love you…"

Merlin turned and nuzzled into Arthur's neck, his heart was thudding in his chest and he was conscious of every part of his body. He captured Arthur's mouth and overbalanced him onto the bed. Arthur had managed to loosen his tunic and he felt his hands on his chest and then around his back. Feelings he had never experience were racing through him and he knew that it would happen but his mind was telling him to wait. Finally, they had to come up for air. He looked down at Arthur and smiled.

"Merlin, promise me that it'll be me when the time comes…"

"It will only ever be you, Arthur…but unless you get up now, the king will be sending a knight to find out why you have not turned up for the council meetings." He stood up and got Arthur's jacket helping him into it and with his fingers combed down his tousled hair and gave him a kiss. He grabbed one of his new doublets and walked to the door. Arthur followed but as he went through the door, he patted Merlin's derriere.

Merlin let out a yelp and Arthur strode off down the corridor laughing out loud. Catching up to him, Merlin said, "Arthur, that was uncalled for!"

"Maybe uncalled for, however enjoyable…" He looked over his shoulder and slipped his arm around Merlin's waist.

Arthur was having trouble concentrated on the meeting. Merlin was seated on a stool to his right. Twice his father had had to draw his attention to what was being said.

"Arthur, are you feeling all right? You seem miles away."

"No Sire, I was just thinking about one of the other points."

Merlin was sure that Arthur's mind was not on any other previously discussed points.

Suddenly, he realised he was being addressed, "Boy! Some wine!"

Arthur spoke up, "It's Merlin, Father!" The king made no comment. He just motioned to his goblet.

Merlin rose and bowed in the king's direction and went to the sideboard. He returned with the wine and carefully poured it. He had learned to keep his eyes down when dealing with the king. As he served Arthur, he glanced at him and gave him the suspicion of a smile. Arthur had tried but he would never be able to change his father. To him, servants were the lowest form of life and deserved no special consideration.

As he returned to his position behind Arthur, Merlin allowed his knee to run the length of Arthur's thigh. Arthur jumped. Feeling smug, he returned to the stool which had been allocated to him as Arthur's manservant. He glanced straight ahead and Gaius caught his eye and raised his eyebrow in warning.

Arthur could hardly wait for the meeting to be finished, in his mind he'd listed the things which he was going to do to Merlin until he begged for mercy. He laughed to himself, 'Well, maybe not necessarily mercy...'

Finally, Uther stood up and the meeting was over. Arthur left the chamber with Merlin and Gaius caught up to them at the door. He frowned at Merlin and said to Arthur, "That was silly behaviour. The king is still in a state over Sir Bryan, he wouldn't see anything funny in what you did, Merlin."

"It wasn't supposed to be funny..."

"Well, you had better hope that whoever reported Bryan didn't notice what you did as you may now have someone tailing the two of you."

Merlin felt rotten He had thought what he had done was hilarious and he was sure that Arthur had liked it but now he was worried. What a stupid idea! He'd done it on the spur of the moment. He'd never touched Arthur like that and now he was ashamed. He shouldn't have done it.

Gaius walked along the corridor until they parted ways. Merlin turned back and caught up with him, "Gaius, I'm sorry."

"I don't begrudge your being with Arthur but I couldn't manage if anything happened to you."

"We'll be careful, Gaius, I promise."

"Go now, Arthur's probably waiting for you. Look after yourself up in Underhill."

When he finally caught up with Arthur, Merlin was subdued. Arthur took one look at him and lost it. He ended up practically lying against the wall laughing. A servant walked by and smiled at the prince.

"Gaius didn't think it was that funny, Arthur. He's worried for us."

Arthur's face dropped, he straightened himself up and checking that they were alone. He rested his arm across Merlin's shoulders and said, "One day, I might even tell you what happened when you touched me!"

Merlin blushed.

On the way to their chambers was an alcove, as they passed Arthur spun Merlin into it. He held his hands above his head and kissed him, Merlin felt it right down to his toes. His body was literally shuddering, he couldn't get his breath and Arthur's body was flush with his. He blushed in the darkness realising that he was rubbing himself against the prince.

Arthur looked at him and he felt as if his body was boneless and that if he hadn't been held up he would have slipped to the floor. All he could think of was Arthur, his mind had been possessed and he had no control anymore.

He cleared his throat and managed to say, "Arthur, please..."

Grabbing his hand, Arthur had dragged him to their room. Merlin made sure that the outer door was locked and glanced at Arthur. Suddenly, Arthur become serious, "Today, I think we need to talk, don't you?"

Arthur slipped his hand around his waist and led him into the bed chamber, Merlin closed and locked the door. This was not the time to be interrupted by knights.

Sitting beside each other on the bed, Arthur toed off his boots. Merlin slipped his hand up under Arthur's jacket easing it off his shoulders and Arthur did the rest.

Merlin shrugged his off, smiling bashfully. He learnt forward and touched Arthur's lips with his fingers. He looked him in the eye and said softly, "You are so easy to love."

Arthur froze and looked at him, two tears ran down his cheeks and he dropped his head to Merlin's chest and started to cry quietly.

"Arthur, what did I say wrong?" Merlin dropped his face to Arthur's head, worried as his words had been from the heart. "I do love you. Don't be upset."

Once Arthur gained control; he started to talk. Merlin scooted up the bed and they sat side by side, against the headboard cocooned in pillows with the counterpane over them.

Arthur rubbed his sleeve across his eyes, took a deep breath and glanced at Merlin. "When I was little, around seven, I didn't really know my father. He was always busy and one day, I heard a mother tell her son that she loved him so much. I was impressed. Stupidly, on my next visit to my father, I asked him if he loved me and he said something, I never forgot."

Merlin took Arthur's hand which he had been holding and kissed it. "Go on..." he prompted.

Arthur whispered, "I have never to this day forgotten what he said." His voice dropped even lower, "Merlin, he said, 'Arthur, you are not easy to love'!"

If Merlin could have, he would have left Arthur to march along to Uther's rooms to yell at him for hurting a young child, whether he was easy to love or not!

Merlin held out his arms and Arthur crawled into them. If he had not already loved him, he would have from that moment.

Arthur continued, "He told me that it was hard to have any feelings for a boy who had killed his mother. I didn't know what he was talking about. I didn't remember ever having a mother let alone killing her. I started to cry and my nursemaid grabbed my hand, removed me from the chamber and took me to Gaius.

"I can't even remember the words Gaius said, but they were warm and loving and his arms were around me, shielding me from all the frightening things which my father had said. Over the years, I have come to understand my father's grief but have never forgiven him for those cruel words. To this day, he and I have never used the word love in any of our conversations…so when you said that…it all came rushing back and I…I couldn't help being a real cry-baby."

Arthur dropped his head back onto Merlin's chest and Merlin did what any loving person would have done, he wrapped his arms around him and held him close.


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16 :** . . . **FEEL ME, TOUCH ME **

Arthur was very quiet during supper. Gawaine picked up on it immediately and could see from Merlin who was over attentive that something had altered in their relationship. He nodded at him and Merlin gave a little smile. Gawaine decided that whatever it was, it was none of his business so he refrained from picking on either of them.

"You're quiet, Gawaine," a voice across the table said, "Rough day?"

"Thank you, Claude, for your concern but no, everything is at it should be." Gawaine noticed Arthur raising his head but made no effort to include him in the conversation, figuring that he was a big enough boy to join in if he so desired.

Arthur finally began to take more interest in what was being said and reminded the ones who were going to Underhill that he intended to leave early to arrive in Lesser Whichton in time for supper and on the following day push on to Underhill.

Matthew laughed saying, "Dare we darken the door of the inn where we stayed last time? Gawaine has been banned for life and I doubt that Leon will be welcomed with open arms." A laugh went around the table as knights remembered the ruckus in which Gawaine starred and Leon out of the kindness of his heart coming to his aid, played a secondary role.

Merlin watched Arthur and saw all the strain leave him and he again became involved in the conversation. "I think maybe silver will satisfy the landlord prior to our being accepted as returning clients."

"You've a short memory, Arthur. I feel that the burning thatch might call for something more than silver."

"That was all sorted before we left, Bryan has a gift when settling situations of Camelot Knights against The World. But this year, could we all try and stay within the bounds of chivalrous behaviour? …Gawaine?"

"Sire, I honestly didn't know that the wench was married to the village blacksmith."

There was a general murmur before Roger said, "Would it have made any difference if you had?"

"I'll have you know," said Gawaine with a twinkle in his eye, "In retrospect, maybe I did exceed the Code of Chivalry." The others roared. "But I was only trying to let the young lady know that her beauty far surpassed all the others."

"As did her husband's fists…" said Matthew.

Arthur stood, reminding them that departure was early and that squires would wake them up before dawn. Barring any horrendous weather, he expected to leave the courtyard on time. The others also stood and after wishing each other good night, left to go to their respective chambers.

-0-O-0-

Merlin locked the outer door and walked to the hearth throwing another couple of logs on the fire. He helped Arthur disrobe and left him in front of the fire in his dressing robe while he hung up all the clothes. "Come and sit by me!"

"I'd just like to check on the extras we put in the saddle bags."

"Merlin, if you mention again extra pairs of socks and smalls. I will throttle you. What we're wearing will do for at least four days and there will be no grandiose suppers to attend."

"You never know…and remember, 'Warm feet warm heart' is one of Gaius's favourite sayings."

"As is, 'Early to bed, early to rise'! Come on, Merlin, stop messing and get ready for bed."

Merlin stood and walked across to the bed, pulling back the covers and removing the warming pans, he waited for Arthur to get in. He pulled up the covers, blowing out all the candles but one and then crossed the room, stopping at the door he said, "Goodnight, Arthur!"

"Hey! Where are you going?"

"Bed, Sire!"

"Bed, Sire?"

"Well, after I've got undressed that is."

"Merlin, for heaven's sake, get undressed and get into this bed. I have no intention of wandering around at night trying to find you. He threw back the covers on the other side of the bed and patted the sheets. Come on!"

Trying to still his skipping heart, he slipped out of his clothes and climbed into bed. He appreciated that two heating pans had been warming the bed and Arthur pulled him over so that he could take advantage of the warmth.

He smiled; it seemed like second nature to snuggle into Arthur's side. Arthur kissed the top of his head and said, "From now on, Merlin, consider this your bed."

He must have fallen asleep almost immediately as waking much later on, he was conscious of a hand on his thigh. He smiled thinking of the meeting; however this hand was more demanding He turned to the hand's owner, was he awake? Arthur was looking at him. Merlin realised that at that point he was doomed. He would never be able to refuse this man anything and he knew that deep down, he didn't want to. He would be his for life.

Arthur said, "May I?" and all Merlin could do was nod. Soon, he felt as if his birthdays had come all at once. He was hanging on as best he could, when he heard Arthur say, "You're safe, Merlin…" he slipped away. He came to wrapped in Arthur's arms. He was happy, warm, relaxed and satisfied. He found Arthur's eyes and they were full of love but also pride.

"Merlin, you are beautiful, watching you made something in my heart burst and flood my soul." He gently placed his lips on Merlin's and kissed him. "One day, when the time is right, we will…"

Merlin didn't care about future promises, he was now thinking of Arthur. He said quietly, "...Arthur?"

Arthur said, "Merlin, give me your hand…"

Merlin later realised seeing the look on Arthur's face that giving was also satisfying.

Merlin heard the sentries announcing five hours and he slid away from Arthur and sat on the edge of the bed. He slipped on his boots and padded to the water closet. He poured some water in the pitchers and allowed his mind to take control until there was steam rising. He tidied himself up and got dressed.

He put some logs on the fire and collected the breakfast platters and set them on the table. He went over and knelt beside Arthur. "Time to start a new day… Come on, wake up?"

Arthur was being difficult, he refused to open his eyes and would only murmur, "Mmm! Merlin, is that you?"

"Well, it had better be as otherwise you are in big trouble, Arthur."

Arthur smiled and opened his eyes, "You're as beautiful as I remember." Merlin said nothing, just blushed.

Time was short but at the decided upon hour Merlin had Arthur mounted and ready to lead the group out of the courtyard.

Four knights, four guards, two grooms, a prince and his manservant left the courtyard on time. The day was clear and cold, Merlin was thankful for his heavy woollen tunic, warm cloak and good boots. Maybe he would get to enjoy winter after all. He smiled as he thought to himself about last night and Gawaine catching his eye gave him a nod. Merlin blushed and Gawaine grinned at him.

-0-O-0-

The footing on the trails was perfect. Most of the leaves were down and the horses shuffled through an orange and copper carpet. They would ride only taking time to rest and water the horses. Lunch which the kitchen had provided would be eaten around noon. The knights and guards chatted as they trotted along. On some stretches Arthur would put his horse into a canter and everyone would follow suit.

Merlin was beaming, a beautiful day, a special bond and his prince beside him. Arthur interrupted his thoughts by saying, "Well, Merlin, whatever you have been up to recently, it obviously agrees with you! I must say, you look on top of the world."

"Arthur, be careful what you say. We have to be careful not everyone can be trusted. Gawaine has already given me a very knowing look. Did you say anything to him?"

Bursting out laughing which caused everyone else to look at him and smile even though they were not privy to the conversation, Arthur assured Merlin that their actions were certainly not Gawaine's business and unless Merlin had told him he wasn't in the know.

"Well, I didn't say anything….honestly!"

"Neither did I…there are some things which I am unwilling to share about my beloved manservant. Even though, I feel like standing in my stirrups and yelling it to the world."

"But you wouldn't, would you Arthur?"

"No, Merlin, our feelings for each other are nobody's business but yours and mine."

"Arthur, will we sleep together again tonight?"

"Depends entirely upon what accommodation is available. We might all be bunking in a communal room but if there is a private room…"

Merlin smiled, "That would be the perfect ending to a perfect day." He glanced at Arthur and remembering last night, he grinned.

Lunch was good. They sat on the edge of a stream and had pork pie and ale. The sun was warm and the leaves underfoot smelled autumnal. They set off again and their destination would be the inn hopefully by late afternoon as already the days were getting shorter.

Following another rest break after a particularly steep hill, on which all the riders had dismounted to make it easier for their horses. They were again in the saddles, Leon was riding with Arthur. Merlin had fallen back and the next thing he knew he was joined by Gawaine. He smiled at him. He really did like him and felt quite safe with the man. There were actually a few knights who made him feel a little uncomfortable with their tendency to crowd him.

Gawaine however, even with his bear hugs and grins was not in the least threatening and he'd always enjoyed his company.

"Obviously, you are one very well looked after servant. No, don't deny it. I can see it in your eyes and I guess you must also have made our prince happy as he is so relaxed and quite himself." Merlin went to interrupt but Gawaine put up his hand. "There is no need to say anything, Merlin. Just remember that if Arthur ever forces you to do something for which you are not ready, refuse. I think he loves you enough not to force you…and if he does…"

"Gawaine, I won't let him do anything until I am ready." Gawaine smiled and wondered if in the heat of the moment Merlin would be able to stop Arthur's advances. He then realised that looking at this young man, he probably could. There was something about Merlin which mystified him not in a negative way. It was as if Arthur had actually met his match and that made Gawaine pleased.


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER 17 : THE HEAT OF A BODY**

The guards and grooms had set themselves up in outbuilding while the knights, Arthur and Merlin were accommodated in the inn itself. The chambers were communal and crowded and Merlin had been disappointed that Arthur had decided that three should sleep in each chamber. Any hope that Merlin could have private time with Arthur was quashed as Arthur had chosen Leon as senior knight to join them.

Supper was excellent and after a long day, the knights turned in early. Gawaine on his best behaviour had refused Claude's invitation to stay and have an extra drink downstairs after supper. He knew that if ever the knights were going to be welcome again, it would depend on how well they behaved this time.

Following a large breakfast and a substantial tip to the innkeeper, they left happy in the knowledge that they would be welcomed there on their return journey.

Slowly, the countryside was changing. Rocky outcrops replaced the hills rounded looks, boulders were visible in the woods with lots of gullies and inclines. The trail was still comparatively flat and good time was made. Lunch break was called and the horses watered, tied up and given part of their oats' ration. The innkeeper's wife had happily handed Merlin three large loaves of bread. With the generous gratuities which Leon had handed out, she felt that keeping everyone happy was part of her job. Anyway, the young manservant was so cute and the way he grinned in thanks, made the early morning's work well worth it.

As Merlin packed up what remained, he said, "You see, Arthur, some people are willing to forgive and forget."

"Right, Merlin, especially if their palms are crossed with silver. Isn't that right, Gawaine?"

"Are you insinuating that I make my way in the world scattering silver before all comers?"

Leon said, "No, he's not but I bet some of the establishments you frequent are handsomely rewarded before you cross their threshold again."

Gawaine said, "I'll have you know that my presence is valued in many an ale house!"

"Especially by the cellar man!" was all Arthur would say. "Anyway, the sooner we get our man the more hunting we can do as we return home. I don't want to be out here for weeks!"

"Arthur, you said that we'd only need socks and smalls for four days." Merlin shook his head, "Now you say it might be weeks!"

Gawaine hooted, "Ooh, Arthur! Personal hygiene suddenly important to you? I remember wearing the same clothes for five weeks."

"As was obvious, to anyone in the castle when you returned."

"I washed regularly while I was away. It must have been my clothes which were smelling."

"Gawaine, it was the middle of winter and most of the streams were frozen and no one washed!" said Matthew.

Gawaine nodded, grinned and said, "You weren't the sweetest person around either, if I remember correctly."

Arthur laughed and stood up. They got their horses, mounted and set off for the last leg of their journey.

The gods were smiling on them as it had stayed dry and tonight they would be roughing it but in this area there were many caves and Underhill's alehouse was just that, no accommodation just an ale room with rough meals if you could convince someone to cook for you.

There was a dell surrounded by cliffs which had various sized caves. It was the place, most often camped in when they were in this area. Arthur sent Claude and Matthew to the village elders to find out further information about their man. In the meantime, people split up and caves were chosen.

Merlin was fascinated, he'd seen caves but these were really 'caves' not puny small narrow dark places but cave mouths that opened into large caverns. Arthur smiled, "You can choose the one you want to sleep in."

"By myself?"

"No, Merlin," Arthur said quietly, "Your days of sleeping alone are over!"

Merlin grinned, "Arthur, I meant can I choose it by myself, not sleep by myself!"

So Merlin went off to find a cave to his liking. By the time, everyone had caves chosen, Merlin had not returned.

Claude and Matthew were back and a slightly worried Arthur, sent Gawaine off to find Merlin.

Claude reported that their man was in town, staying out at Hollister's farm. Arthur spoke to the Captain of the Guard and early tomorrow they would circle the farm. Leon would be in charge of the exercise as Arthur intended to explore some of the areas for campfire.

Gawaine dragged Merlin back to the campfire and deposited him near Arthur's feet.

Arthur said, "Did you find something? Merlin nodded. "Well, how far away is it that it took you so long?" Merlin waved vaguely over his shoulder.

Gawaine intervened laughing, "It's just up the hill but he had been collecting twigs and branches for a fire and pine boughs for bedding." If there hadn't been a fire, the others would have noticed Arthur's blushing.

Another fire had been started in the cave where the knights were staying. The grooms were sheltering with the guards.

Following supper, Arthur told everyone to turn in as Leon, Claude and Matthew plus the guards would be leaving early. Gawaine would be going hunting with Merlin and him.

"All right, Merlin, show me your choice for a cave. It had better be good as we'll be here at least two nights."

"There's room for our horses just in case it rains. It's huge, Arthur!" So leading the horses, they made their way up a track.

Arthur was impressed; Merlin had left a fire burning. True the cave was large but it had other features. The actual entry into the cave was narrow and easily defended but sizable enough for a saddled horse to walk through. It was high but had some alcoves that seemed to form private chambers. Arthur thought to himself that all the knights would have been very comfortable there but then decided that would have been defeated the purpose of being alone.

To the right of the cave mouth was a stream and Arthur could hear Merlin talking to the horses as they drank. He then could hear him encouraging them to follow him through the narrow gap. Once they were in, he unsaddled them and gave them their oats. He carried the bedrolls and dumped them near the firewood.

"Arthur, you get to choose which mini chamber you want to sleep in. Then I'll build another fire in that section."

Arthur looked around, there was one that was slightly larger that the others, sandy and was free of boulders. "What's the light in the back of the cave?"

"There's an opening like a rock chimney and the moon is reflecting in." Merlin said as he returned with the pine boughs.

Arthur went and got the bedrolls saying, "Perfect. Was this the first cave you found?"

"Closer to the last, I knew what I wanted but it took me time to find it." Once the boughs were laid to his satisfaction, he unrolled the bedrolls.

Usually, when they were camping, Arthur managed by himself but as they were alone, Arthur sat on a boulder and Merlin removed his boots. It was warm and he slipped off his cloak, and his jacket. Merlin sat down beside him and admired his own boots.

"Arthur, I never realised how warm toes can be in the winter. No one at home ever had boots like this. When it was really cold, my mother wrapped my feet in pieces of old blankets like bandages around my shoes. She even wore one as a shawl in the house and sometimes…" He stopped and for a second happiness flitted across his face as memories raced by. Arthur said nothing. "…and sometimes, if it was dangerously cold, she would join me and we would lie on the floor in front of the fire and she would let me lie in her arms just like a baby and share her blankets"

Arthur put his arm around him, placing little kisses up his neck. Merlin's expression changed to one of sadness, "…and Arthur, the next morning my mother would go around the other houses to see how many people had died overnight.

"One really cold morning, she returned with a little baby girl. Its mother had died and the father had enough to do with the others. To keep it warm while she finished her rounds, she made me put it under my tunic next to my skin and to sit close to the fire. Arthur, it was so cold. I kept putting my head inside my tunic and blowing on it. I held it there, talking and telling it, it was going to be all right. Then, it began to feel warmer against my skin. When my mother came in, I told her that we should keep the baby and…my Mam took it away from me, she just shook her head. The baby was already dead, I hadn't even said goodbye."

Large tears ran down Merlin's cheeks, he buried his head under Arthur's chin and sobbed. "Arthur, I was only nine and I really did think that I was going to finally have a little sister."

Arthur kissed the top of his head; he loved him there was no question about it. The two of them sat side by said staring into the fire. Merlin sniffed and Arthur said, "Merlin My Love, someone was looking after me when they made sure that you came into my life. Come on, tomorrow will be here before we know it."

Merlin crawled on the pine boughs beside Arthur and put his arms around him. Thinking of his mother and the baby had been difficult but now he was glad that he had shared a little more of himself with Arthur.

Arthur was again kissing him and Merlin laughed as the kisses became more demanding. Arthur then decided that Merlin's neck was being deprived of his attention and he placed kisses as far as he could reach. "You have one of the nicest necks, I've ever kissed."

"So, had much experience kissing necks?"

"None at all but I'm still sticking to my statement."

Merlin redirected the kisses back to his lips and still holding Arthur, he fell asleep.

_Merlin woke up as his Mam came and handed him a baby telling him to put him on his chest and to watch over him._

_Merlin fell asleep and when his Mam came in, she took the baby away from him, saying it had died. _

_He said, "Mam, I didn't have time to give him a name!"_

_...and his mother said, "That's all right, Merlin, he already had one, he was called Arthur…"_

Merlin jolted awake. He saw the fire and the cave and he felt Arthur's arms around him and he lay back against his chest knowing that everything was going to be all right as his Arthur was alive and warm.


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER 18 : HERE, PIGGY-PIGGY **

Merlin woke first and lay thinking about the last few weeks of his life. It had all happened so quickly in the end. Gaius had been right…if it were to be it would be. He stretched. The fire needed more logs and the horses seemed to have realised that he was awake and were moving around restlessly. He knew that he should get up but he absolutely treasured the time he spent lying beside the sleeping prince.

In this, so often dangerous world, to lie asleep beside someone, Merlin decided ranked high in demonstrating trust and in his mind trust went hand in hand with love. He smiled remembered Arthur's kisses. Just thinking of them could send little shivers through his body. He had never thought about leaving kisses all over another person's body. Then remembered seeing mothers kiss their baby's feet and even their stomachs making them giggle. He blushed wondering if Arthur would also giggle.

He knew from Gaius that there was more than kissing and cuddling. Merlin was rather naïve and even the little things which Arthur did to him, at first surprised him and then gave him much pleasure. He'd always been alone and now he was sharing with Arthur, letting him lead the way and trusting him implicitly.

"So, what or who is causing not only the smile but also the worried look on your face?" said a voice beside him.

Merlin turned his head and said, "You!"

Arthur put his arm around him. He loved being able to please Merlin and he wanted to take his time. He knew that when Merlin was ready, he would give himself to him and Arthur also felt that trust was love and taking something before the other person was willing to give it was not the foundation upon which he wanted to build this relationship. He'd lovingly wait.

Merlin sat up and looking down at Arthur said quietly, "Arthur, I never thought when I was younger that kissing would be so much fun."

"…and the frown?"

Merlin hesitated; he didn't know how to explain his fears.

Arthur said, "It's a big step loving and there is no hurry at all. You and I will decide together when to take the next step."

Merlin leant in and placed a gently kiss on Arthur's lips. Arthur smiled into it as he realised that it was becoming more demanding. Merlin pulled back, when they had to breathe and Arthur looked into his eyes and said, softly, "Merlin, My Love!"

"Arthur when you say that you send shivers right down to my knees."

"Only to your knees…?"

Merlin knelt up and said, "On that comment, I'm going to leave you otherwise, Leon will be coming in here to see if we are still asleep and I would be embarrassed…"

"But not, when you're with me?"

"No, Arthur, never when I'm with you!"

-0-O-0-

They saw the others off and then Gawaine and Arthur sat down to plan the day.

"Next time we come here. I'm going to bag your cave for my own personal use. It is great. I had never thought of going any higher out of the dell."

"Gawaine, as much as I like you, I am not sharing our cave with you."

"But Merlin, it is really the best cave in the area, it has water, a narrow mouth so it could be easily defended and that air tunnel at the far end means that should you be caught in there, you might be able to escape."

"I found it and I gave it to Arthur so it's the Prince's Cave and he gets to say who can sleep there. Right, Arthur!"

"I'm not getting involved. You two can fight it out but quietly, or you will scare away all the game." He stood up and they started the quest for food."

"Arthur, we can only hunt small game today, because we don't want to have to carry deer for two days?"

"Yes but if we found a boar, we'd be silly to pass it up. That's why the packhorses are here. As boar is one of the traditional yuletide meats, to return with one would be satisfying."

They set out, fanning to cover more ground. The packhorses kept behind them on the main path and the hunters criss-crossed the area. Arthur heard a whoomf sound and knew that Merlin and the ground had made contact. He glanced back and Merlin's head appeared above a ditch with a grin so he continued. He was daydreaming more than hunting as Merlin was on his mind. He stepped down from a boulder and noticed freshly exposed roots and ground which had been trampled. He raised his hand and there was no longer any noise behind him.

He carefully stepped away from the roots and looked for a trail. Suddenly, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he automatically raised and slotted a bolt in his crossbow. He was conscious of the noise being repeated to his left so Gawaine was on his toes. Slowly he stepped forward taking his time placing his boots where he felt they would make the least noise. For some strange reason he felt compelled to look back for Merlin and he saw it. Standing, waiting, under a pine tree was a boar. It turned its head deciding which hunter to take out first.

Merlin stood motionless, hoping that the animal hadn't noticed him. It kept flicking its ear. He knew little about boars except that when they charged they kept their heads comparatively low until they made contact, that although their snouts were soft, their two sharp tusks would do the damage. He gauged the height of the animal and realised that if it met him on level ground, it would do major damage to him. He only had a knife.

Arthur's heart stopped, he realised that the boar was conscious that two people were nearby. If it turned towards him he'd take a dead centred, head shot but he would like it to be backed up with a heart shot but Gawaine he felt sure was too far away. He looked at Merlin and his heart broke. If the boar turned toward him, his chances of making an instant kill and avoiding any damage to Merlin were small.

The boar drew itself up, looked at Merlin and charged Arthur. The bolt hit it mid chest but it kept coming, suddenly it slowed down and ended up kneeling at Arthur's feet with a hunting knife sticking out of its left temple. Merlin was on him almost immediately, "Arthur, I thought it was going to barrel right into you."

Before he could ask any questions Gawaine came up behind him and Arthur said, "Thanks! Lucky shot!"

"Thank God, neither of you were hurt! I was too far away…so don't thank me."

Arthur leant over, the animals legs were now still and he withdrew the knife from the skull. He recognised it as one of his, he turned as Merlin said in a rush, "I knew you said it should be thrown out but Arthur I didn't have a knife and it was balanced nicely for my hand, so I thought that rather than wasting it, I would re-hone it and keep it…"

Gawaine interrupted the confession by saying, "Arthur, you owe your life to Merlin. The boar would have kept running right into you if it were not for the knife."

Turning he hugged Merlin to him. "That's because you saved Arthur's life, I know he's a bit of a nuisance sometimes but I would have really missed him."

Arthur hauled Gawaine away from Merlin and said, "My turn!" He hugged him and said, "What the shit!" giving him a long kiss. Turning, he said, "One word out of you, Gawaine, and this will be the last boar hunt as a Camelot knight!"

Gawaine smiled at the two of them and said, "Gentleman, I'll leave you to it as I think I need to find the packhorses." He walked away, leaving Merlin still in Arthur's arms." He smiled to himself, congratulating himself saying, "Gawaine, you've still got it, the 'body language interpreter', par excellence." He smiled as he reached the track. He found the grooms and leaving one with the two horses, the other followed him back to Arthur and the boar.

Merlin and Arthur had field dressed it and it was balanced over a boulder. He was impressed with its size. Merlin tied its front legs together, then its back legs and by hanging it a sturdy branch, they made their way to the track. The packhorse chosen to carry it kept snorting at the smell of the blood and dancing around. Merlin went to it. He placed his head on its forehead and cupping his hands around its nostril, whispering that he needed it carried back to Camelot. The animal settled and the four men hoisted the boar and secured it to the harness on the horse.

Now, if Leon and his group had captured their man, the day had been a success.

-0-O-0-

Merlin disappeared when they got back to the dell. The next time Arthur saw him he had a brace of rabbits over each shoulder. "My contribution to the evening meal," he said. Arthur's eyes lit up, he liked nothing better than rabbit roasted over an open fire.

"Where did you get them?"

"Set the traps early this morning."

Soon they could hear horses on the track and they went down to see the returning knights. One extra horse showed that they had been successful.

Leon said, "He's a bit beaten up as he tried to run but I think Merlin could fix him up,"

Arthur nodded and the man was hauled off the horse and propped up against a boulder. Merlin went over and the man spat in his face, Arthur backhanded him across the face and he fell to his knees. Merlin wiped his face and said, "Arthur, no…"

Gawaine appeared as from nowhere and grabbed the man by the hair wrenching him to his feet a knife at his throat. "When someone offers to check you out for injuries you accept it."

Merlin said, "Easy, Gawaine…"

Knowing that Gawaine could manage the situation, Arthur and the other knights went to the fire. With two guards on either side of him and Gawaine with the knife still at his throat, Merlin checked the man out. He then returned to the fire and Gawaine let the chap drop to the ground.

The captain of the guard said, "Tie him up and put a watch on him."

Arthur looked up as Merlin said, "As far as I can see, what looks like a broken ankle, damaged knee, broken collar bone and various abrasions. He'll not get far by himself. If he's any more cooperative, I'll strap him up before we leave tomorrow."

"Doesn't deserve it!" was Arthur's only comment.

Leon brought over some earthenware bottles of ale and bread, Merlin took the gutted rabbits, skinned and skewered them. Claude used some forked branches to make stands and the rabbits were roasted while Leon brought Arthur and Gawaine up to date on the capture. Seems, the man had got wind of the knights and taken off. In trying to escape his captors he'd fallen down a rather steep hill, hence the broken bones.

Arthur told Leon that should he fancy a couple of days hunting, Matthew and Claude could accompany the prisoner back to Camelot with the guards.

Looking at the boar, now hanging in the tree, Leon said that he felt sure that those two were quite capable. Arthur smiled, he enjoyed Leon's company and now they would be four, Gawaine, Leon, Merlin and himself.

Looking at the boar, he marvelled that Merlin's quick thinking had avoided an accident and he was looking forward to thanking him in a special way once they turned in…


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER 19 : FOLLOWING YOU **

Arthur was in his element. Following another track, they fanned out to the south west avoiding the area where the two knights and guards had travelled earlier in the morning. There had been little snow overnight so tracks were clearly visible. They dismounted and continued on foot into the woods.

Suddenly, Merlin froze, ahead of him and to his right was a buck which for one thing, and only one thing, he would have agreed to Arthur killing. He pushed Arthur's crossbow down and pointed. There silhouetted against dark fires was the animal, a magnificent white buck. Arthur went to raise his bow but one glance at Merlin persuaded him not too.

Merlin's face was shining, his eyes were tear-filled and he was breathing quickly through his mouth. Arthur had never seen him look so beautiful. He was entranced by the animal. Slowly the buck, nodded its head and walked away. Arthur couldn't believe what he had seen, it were as if man and deer had communicated.

Merlin turned, looking at Arthur who smiled and said, "Merlin, it was there for you."

"I have never seen one. There were tales of one around Ealdor but no one was sure if it was Old Man Drux's drinking or wishful thinking. That deer was what Gaius would call an albino, not just a white deer as its nose and its eyes were pink. It's unbelievable that it has survived this long as it would only have been hidden in the winter snow. Did you know that Gaius once had an albino leech but it died?"

Merlin's intensity aroused Arthur and he tried hard to concentrate on what his friend was saying not what he was feeling. "Arthur!" He felt Merlin's hand on his arm, "Arthur? Are you all right?"

Arthur was sure that the only reason he had seen it was because Merlin had pointed it out to him. He smiled realising that he would have had little pleasure in killing it and was, for the first time happy that Merlin had prevented him from making a kill. He knew that never again would he have an opportunity to see such a rare animal and he thanked his lucky stars that he had been with Merlin.

Arthur said later that evening. "We didn't tell anyone about the deer."

"I thought about it but I wanted to keep it just for us. I know that your father would have been very pleased to have had its head mounted and placed in the dining hall. So I think, it's better that we keep it to ourselves."

"Just think. Merlin, we can now begin to have a life of shared memories, just you and me."

Merlin smiled, "…and when we're old and grey, we can sit beside the fire in the winter and talk about things passed."

"Exactly and maybe other things too…?"

"Arthur, I think you have a one tracked mind."

They never did tell anyone but Gaius about the albino deer.

-0-O-0-

Lunch following the deer episode was taken in a little inn in a nearby village. Gawaine had all the serving wenches eying him and Leon just shook his head.

Merlin held up his mug to notify one of the girls that they could do with more ale. The girl came over and practically sat in his lap, giving him the once over. Merlin eyes downcast, ignored her.

Gawaine had a good chuckle as Arthur had raised his eyebrows, something which in Camelot would have caused immediate cessation among the knights of whatever they were up to. Not so here!

"What's a pretty thing like you doing travelling with these rough knights?" she said, tossing her hair and managing to push herself against him.

Gawaine could see Arthur's hand gripping the table. He leant over to Arthur and said, "Relax, it's not going anywhere." Stepping in, he tossed a coin in the air, saying "So, it's the young and innocent who appeal to you, is it my sweet one?"

The girl's head came up as she caught a glint of the coin, shifting her body so that it was now leaning toward Gawaine. "No, kind Sir, I just thought that you were probably out of my league."

Leon and Gawaine laughed. Merlin, glad to no longer be the centre of attention, slipped his hand into the one which had been lying possessively, on his thigh.

Gawaine smiled as he saw Arthur relax, so he said to her, "Shame, we are not spending the night here as I would have been only too happy to show you what an experienced knight can accomplish."

The girl realising that she had been a mite too obvious, returned to kitchen and sent another younger girl out with the ale.

As they left, Gawaine threw his arm around Arthur's shoulders and said, "You're going to have to trust him, you can't be with him continually. I'd say, he's yours for as long as you need him but…" he added squeezing Arthur's arm none too gently, "When you no longer want him, be warned, it will probably break his heart!" He then patted Arthur on the back and walked after Leon and Merlin.

Arthur thought about it. He knew that Merlin was attractive and servants and a few knights had their eyes on him but he also knew one important fact, Merlin loved him and he prayed that he would always be worthy of that love.

He strode to catch up to the others as they mounted and continued on their way. They were getting closer to Lesser Whichton and by the tracks still visible in the snow, this area might prove good for hunting. The sun was now below the treetops. They had met up again with the grooms and packhorses and arranged to stay at the local inn.

Only one communal room was available so it meant that the four of them would be sharing. Gawaine smiled and said quietly to Merlin, "Don't worry, he'll be all yours tomorrow night in Camelot."

Merlin blushed and said equally quietly, "…and what exactly, Sir Knight, are you insinuating?"

Gawaine howled laughing and gave him a hug. Arthur looked up not in the least perturbed and said to Leon, "I hate to admit it but Gawaine's worth his weight in gold."

"Don't let him hear you say that, as there will be no living with him." Arthur looked at Leon and they both laughed.

The evening meal was over; it was time to turn in. The room though small was warm and dry. In no time, two knights were snoring and Merlin slipped his hand from his cot and found Arthur's. Arthur smiled in the dark room and entwined his fingers briefly with Merlin's before he fell asleep.

Merlin dreamt of white deer and Arthur. Gawaine dreamt of buxom serving girls, Leon dreamt of his wife and family and Arthur, well, Arthur only dreamt of one person, Merlin.

-0-O-0-

Just as the sun peeked over the hill, Merlin woke the others early to hunt. In no time, they were mounted, planning to leave their horses on the trail with the grooms and try the thickets which were full of deer prints.

Leon made the first kill, a young buck. Arthur followed with a mature doe. Merlin trekked to get one of the grooms to help them bring their kills to the horses. Some time later, two field dressed carcasses were strapped to the second packhorse.

Gawaine looked disappointed. "Don't worry," said Merlin at the lunch break, "I'm sure you'll be luckier this afternoon."

"I'd better as I'd hate to go home empty handed, especially as Arthur has a boar and deer."

Arthur stood and they were moving off again. They would repeat what they had done earlier in the morning if they could find suitable thickets.

Three hours later, they crossed a section of the trail, literally covered with deer tracks. They dismounted.

Merlin was finding it hard to pay attention as huge balls of green leaves hanging high in the trees, had caught his attention. Mistletoe! Yuletide was coming and he intended to take every possible opportunity to catch Arthur under it. This year he appreciated more the tradition, as last year he had just spent his time trying to avoid love sick maidservants trying to catch him under sprigs which were liberally scattered throughout the castle.

He was following Arthur quietly when he heard a boar scream. Arthur froze, then turned to his left where Gawaine was hunting. Leon joined them on their right.

Cresting a slight rise, they saw Gawaine resting against a tree and at his feet a good sized black boar. Arthur slid down to him examining the carcase when Merlin suddenly said "Gawaine?"

Arthur looked up and realised that his knights' face was white; Merlin was quicker and was going over him. Arthur said, "Merlin, it's too cold…" as Merlin began to remove his own jacket, then he realised that Merlin's hands where they had touched Gawaine were covered in blood and instinctively he knew, it wasn't the boar's.

Merlin threw Leon his tunic, "Tear it into strips about so wide, Arthur, give me your hand." He placed Arthur's hand on Gawaine's inner thigh and told him to press as hard as he could. Arthur looked down and saw the blood seeping through his fingers. He'd seen this injury before and knew that only immediate action in stopping the bleeding would be successful in saving Gawaine's life.

He kept pressing as Merlin grabbed the first strip and slipped it under Gawaine's leg. Taking the next three strips, he made pads, he said to Arthur, "Now!" Arthur lifted one hand and Merlin slapped the padded tunic strips on the wound and tied the other strip around them. He repeated the procedure.

"We've got to get him to Gaius. He needs stitches and I have no supplies. Even if we can get the bleeding under control, if the boar's tusk made the puncture, it will be infected."

Arthur stood back, here was his knight who was 'worth his weight in gold' depending upon Merlin and the help which he and Leon could give. He realised that if they had not immediately found him, they would have been carrying home a body.

Arthur swung Gawaine over his shoulder as Leon went off to get their horses. Leon held Gawaine's horse and they managed to get a partially conscious knight in the saddle. Merlin checked the pads and the outer ones were not blood soaked which boded well.

"How long?" asked Merlin.

Arthur answered, "About one and a half hours at a canter and gallop…more at a walk…"

Gawaine was mumbling and Merlin stood by him and could hear him saying over and over again, "…boar…the boar". He gave a little smile and touched Gawaine's knee and said, "We won't leave it"

"Arthur, could you and Leon get Gawaine's boar for him and I will start walking towards Camelot?"

Arthur looked cross, "We don't need the stupid boar!"

Merlin became annoyed; he looked him straight in the eye saying, "_He _does!" then added more softly, "Please!" He took the reins from Gawaine's horse and literally tied him in the saddle by passing them over his thighs and under the saddle. Still no blood, he mounted his horse and hanging onto Gawaine's with a length of halter rope, he started slowly for home.


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER 20 : GAZING AT YOU **

He had maybe ridden only three miles when he heard horses and Leon and Arthur rode into view. "How is he?"

"Still alive…" Merlin dismounted and checked the bandages; he could see a fleck of blood. Damn, he was still bleeding not as heavily as previously but it hadn't stopped. "Someone needs to alert Gaius!"

Leon said, "I'll go and maybe bring back a wagon." He swung his horse around and went off.

"…the truth, Merlin?" Arthur walked beside Merlin, his horse tagging along behind.

"If we can stop the bleeding in time and there is no nerve damage, he will be himself in a few months. He won't be riding or 'wenching' for some time." A little smile crossed Merlin's lips as he raised his eyes to Arthur's.

Arthur's body did funny things and he wanted to take Merlin, then and there. He could see that Merlin had picked up on it. However, he controlled himself and said, "The boar is on the packhorse, but why did he need it?"

"He was telling me that he was the only one not to make a kill. If he is to be laid up for some time, he needs to feel that his actions and resulting injury were worthwhile. This way, at least people will be fed. Arthur, can I ask you something, if I was injured like this and survived, would you stand by me, until I was well enough to…?"

Arthur felt his heart bursting, "Merlin, you are mine as I hope, I am yours. Remember the words, 'in sickness and in health until death do us part'. I will never be able to swear them publicly to you but know that they will always be in my heart." He moved over and taking Merlin's face in his hands kissed him leaving him breathless and shaken.

They mounted and it seemed not long before it began to snow again. Arthur cursed. "It's getting dark too soon, we still have a couple of hours to go."

Merlin said, "If I ride behind Gawaine, I should be able to hold him still enough for us to trot, maybe even canter. If the bleeding starts again heavily, we'll have to walk. Let me check the wound first." Merlin moved Gawaine's cloak. The bandage was not any more stained than about an hour ago. He turned to Arthur saying, "Shall we give it a go?"

"I'll ride double with him."

"No, I'll be lighter for his horse." Arthur gave Merlin a leg up, his mind was all over the place. One part of him selfishly wanted Merlin riding behind him, his arms hugging him. They'd have to try it one day. He shook his head thinking guiltily, 'Now is neither the time nor the place.'

Gawaine's horse Cavan, decided to be awkward but after Merlin had a few choice words with him, he settled. Arthur smiled; Gawaine would have enjoyed that interaction. Merlin got the horse into a steady slow canter and held Gawaine tightly around the waist. Cavan knew that he was going home so he just happily followed Arthur who had Merlin's horse in tow.

The snow-filtered sun had just reached below the tree tops as they saw a group of red-cloaked knights galloping towards them. Leon leading on a fresh horse, had Gaius's basket slung over his shoulder. Merlin pulled Cavan back to a walk, regretting the jarring transition of the trot. Eager hands reached up removing straps and lowering Gawaine down to the ground. "There's a wagon following us. Gaius said to recheck the wound, wash it out, and using his supplies, rebind it and to…'Come straight home'!" Leon explained.

Merlin and Arthur grinned, that was Gaius's favourite reminder to them that he loved them. 'Come straight home!'

Merlin set to work; he removed the second set of padding and was pleased that it wasn't more blood soaked. He then had to make a decision, leave the first and not disturb the wound or remove it, medicate it and close it hoping that it wasn't going to bleed anew. He looked in Gaius's box and saw the familiar powder he used against infections and he delicately pulled away the first bandage. Arthur kneeling opposite him gasped. He'd only seen the wound as a puddle of blood and now he could see its size. It was the work of a tusk for certain. Merlin worked steadily, unperturbed by the sight.

Soon he had the bandages and padding back in place. He felt happier that they were clean cloths and not his dirty tunic. Gawaine had slept like a baby through the whole procedure.

Knights were used to horrendous battle wounds and none showed that they were so upset that they couldn't function. Gawaine was soon on his horse encircled within Merlin's arms and the group were slowly cantering for Camelot. Just as they saw the last hill before home, they saw the wagon. Gawaine was transferred to it; Merlin sat down and then Gawaine's head was propped on his lap and the patient was covered by Claude's and Matthew's cloaks. Arthur threw his cloak over Merlin's shoulders and the procession slowly made its way, over the hill and down to the meadows east of Camelot.

-0-O-0-

Before long, Gaius had him in a cot near the fire and Gawaine was beginning to moan. Arthur figured he's been out of it for at least four hours. The wound had been checked and rebound. Gaius assured them that he would survive mainly because Merlin had got the bleeding under control quickly.

"Will he be alright?" Arthur wanted to know.

"As right as rain, in a few months. He's got some tough times ahead of him but he's in good health, strong and opinionated…he'll make it!" Merlin and Arthur relieved, laughed at Gaius.

"Leave him here with me. You two have a meal and good night's rest. I'll take care of everything else. Given the chance, however, I'd ban all boar hunting."

Merlin said, "But, Gaius, you'd be the first one to complain if there was no boar over yuletide."

Gaius flapped his hand at him and the two of them left him, smiling.

-0-O-0-

The stress of the last few hours played havoc with Merlin's mind, he was exhausted. Arthur's kissing him got no response and he realised that Merlin was fast asleep. He slipped off his clothes and boots and moved him into the middle of the bed. He smiled down at him. He wouldn't exchange him for anyone even though he had had great expectations. The man of his dreams was now fast asleep in his bed. 'One day…!' he thought and wrapping his arms around him followed him into the Land of Nod.

Merlin woke up early. He stretched, feeling immediately to check that Arthur was beside him. He was, so he settled back and snuggled closer. He heard the sentries announce the hour and slipped from the bed. It was cold so he grabbed his dressing robe. He lit the fire under the large coppers, in the water closet. He remembered dealing with all the blood and felt dirty. He splashed cold water into the ewer and stirred it with his fingers, heating it. He gave his face, neck and hands a good wash. He crept back into the bedchamber, closing the window on his way to the fire where he put on logs bursting them into flames.

He wandered back to the bed and slipped off the dressing robe. Suddenly, he remembered that he hadn't got undressed as he had been too tired but now he was naked. He stood there and felt strange but not embarrassed, there was only one person who would have removed his clothes and he glanced at him. Arthur lay there, with a smile on his face.

"Good morning, Beautiful, you look good enough to eat!" Merlin immediately blushed and grabbed the blankets, slipping quickly into the bed.

He felt Arthur pull him to himself and realised that nothing separated them. Arthur kissed him and let his lips slip down Merlin's shoulders to his chest, his hands once again making Merlin's body respond.

Sometime later, feeling as if he'd been to heaven and back, he wrapped his arms around Arthur's shoulders forcing him to look at him and he said quietly, "…Arthur Pendragon, …I love you!"

Arthur smiled, "Happy?"

"…satisfied, relaxed, protected, loved…and happy."

"What's with all the words?"

"I just want to make sure that you know how I feel…"

"I saw, Merlin…and we have the rest of our lives. Gawaine might think that he's Mister I-Know-All-About-Love but Merlin I know a thing or two, myself."

"How?"

"I was raised in a castle with knights; many are far from closemouthed when it comes to affairs of the heart."

"…and did they?"

"No, Merlin. I'm as pure as the day I was born…well, almost." Merlin giggled; he also remembered a couple of nights ago in this very room. Arthur continued, "I knew that one day, someone would arrive in my life and set my whole body afire and all I would have to do is be positively certain that we both felt the same way. For the longest time, I expected the person to be female and suddenly you were there. Feelings, I had never experienced happened. I was confused because you were a boy."

"Yes, Arthur, the last time I checked, I was."

Arthur chuckled, "I was afraid to look at you, in case you saw the yearning in my eyes and ran away.

"I wouldn't have, Arthur!"

"I'd steal glances at you as you worked around the place and having you dress me and help me bathe almost became torture."

"You should have said something, Sire…"

Arthur laughed. "Exactly…'Oh, Merlin, could you just stand there silhouetted against the fire, you're making my body feel the way it shouldn't.' You'd have panicked and run back to Gaius, upset and then I would have had to deal with him as well."

"Do you think anyone else knows?"

"Well, from what he has hinted I believe that our friend in the infirmary suspects. He told me in no uncertain terms not to hurt you…and then there's Gaius. Merlin, I couldn't have got this far without Gaius, I think he knew even before I explained how I felt. I'd ask him but he'd always refuse to tell me if you had ever mentioned anything to him."

Merlin hummed against his neck. Looking at Arthur, he touched his lips with his finger, saying, "I asked him the same thing and he muttered something about letting nature take its course." He replaced his finger which Arthur was now nibbling, with his lips. When they broke apart, he finally said, "It is…isn't it, Arthur?"

"Yes, Merlin…" and he lets his lips drift to Merlin neck. He kissed across to his chin and found his ear. He whispered against it. Merlin relaxed and then felt shivers of delight spread through him as Arthur gently licked the shell with his tongue before nibbling it. He returned to his neck, nipping him not too gently just above the collar bone.

"Ow! Arthur, that hurt!" Merlin said, pushing him away.

"No, it didn't! …and now you have a little mark on you, showing that you're mine."

Merlin snuggled back into his arms and then decided two could play that game. Arthur let his hand wander to Merlin's hair and while he was distracted, Merlin kissed him promptly nipping him.

"Merlin! Now, I'll have to wear my high collared doublet…"

"Oops! But on the plus side, Arthur, you now have a little mark on you, showing everyone that you're mine." Merlin grinned, "Here, let me kiss it better!"

Arthur's mind was far away, he remembered his original thoughts and smiled into Merlin's kiss.

'See me!

Feel me!

Touch me!

Heal me!'

Merlin pulled back, "What is it, Arthur?"

"Nothing, Merlin, everything is just wonderful…"

The End


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